The acting edition of Mr. Pim passes by

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HARVARD
COLLEGE
LIBRARY

fA-.rf'r.^.

MR. PIM PASSES BY

B, A A MILNE

0^

SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 4SUi SL, New Vorb

Marttia By-the-Oay

Kti BDd 1^ wall la it...>i>ui-IUr d^UafcUaa. r->rvUr.

Spvcntppn

1 k* tft. imrr^r

dslMiiiB boMu. lUnttr. MD-iM. Prte, ^

THE ACTING EDITION

OF

Mr. Pirn Passes By

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS

BY
A. A. MILNE

Copyright^ 1921, by A. A. Milne

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned
that "MR. PIM PASSES BY," being fully protected
under the copyright laws of the United States of Amer-
ica, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Can-
ada, and the other countries of the Copyright Union, is
subject to a royalty, and anyone presenting the play
without the consent of the owners or their authorized
agents will be liable to the penalties by law provided.
Applications for the Professional and Amateur acting
rights must be made to Samuel French, 25 West 45th
Street, New York, N. Y.

New York
SAMUEL FRENCH

PUBUSHER

25 West 45tb Street

London

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd.

26 Southampton Street

STRAND

X3L^^.U.»^0

.:/t/u!r^.c/c/u,^^\

"MR. PIM PASSES BY''
All Rights Reserved

Especial notice should be taken that the possession 6l this
book without a valid contract for production first having
been obtained from the publisher, confers no right or license
to professionals or amateurs to produce the ph^ publicly or
in private for gain or charity.

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading
public only, and no performance, representation, production,
recitation by amateurs, public reading or radio broadcasting
may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel
French, 26 West 46th Street, New York*

This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment of
a royalty of Fifty Dollars for each performance, payable to
Samuel French, 26 West 45th Street, New York, one week
before the date when the play is given.

Professional royalty quoted on application to Samuel
French, 26 West 45th Street, New York, N. Y.

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must
appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the
play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French
of New York."

Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for any
infringement of the author's rights, as follows:

"Section 4066: — Anjr person ]^ublicly performing or rep-
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the
proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his
heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such
damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less
than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for
every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear
to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation
be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be
guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im-
prisoned for a period not exceeding one year."'— U. S.
Revised Statutes : Title 60, Chap. 3.

T

CHARACTERS

THB ORIGINAL CAST A^ .*H£ GAIETY THEATRE, MAN(

QsoBOS Mabdbit, J.P. • • • • . Mr. Ben Wtbder,

OuvxA (his Wife) MUs Irtm VanbmgL

DnriH (his Nieoe) Miss OeorgeUe Cohtm,

Ladt Mabdbn (hit Avnt) Miss Sybil CairUsk,

BsiAH St&AHoa Mr. PhUip EasUm,

Cabkawat Pm Mr, Dwn AweieeNill.

Ahks if iM Eika Wdkdt$,

The aotioii tftkee place in the morning-room at Harden HouMi BvekinghMi*
■hire, on a daj in July.

THE ORIGINAL LONDON CAST AT THE NEW THEATRE

Gbobob Mabdbn, J.P. • • • • . Mr, Ben Webster,

Olivia (his Wile) If iM Irene Vav^ugh,

I^AH (his Niece) •••••• Miss OeoraeUe Cohan^

Ladt Marden (his Aont) Miss Ethel Orifies,

Brian Stranob ••••••• Mr, Leslie Howard,

Carrawat Pm ••••••• Mr, Dion BoucicauU,

Miss Ethel WeUesU^

Produced by the Theatre Guild at the Garrick Theatre, «i
Monday evening, February 28, 1921, with the following cast:

Anne P^ffffV Harvey

Carraway Pim Erakine Sanford

Dinah Phyllis Povah

Brian Strange Leonard Mudie

Olivia Marden Laura Hope Crewea

George Marden, J. P Dudley Diggea

Lady Marden Helen Weatley

MR. PIM PASSES BY

ACT I

The momtng-room at Marden House (BuchinghamehM) deetdei mare
than a hundred years ago that it was aU right, and has not bothered
about itself since. Visitors to the house have caUed the resuU suck
different adjectives as " mellow," " old-fashumed," " charmi/i^ " —
even " baronial ** and ** antique " ; hut nobody eieer said it was
** exciting" Sometimes Ouvia wants it to be more exciting, and last
week she rather let herself go over some new curtains ; she still has the
rings to put on. It is obvious that the curtains atone wiU overdo the
excitement ; they wiU have to be harmonized with a new carpet and
cushions. Olivia has her eye on just the things, but one has to go
carefuUy with Geobqb. What was good enough for his greatrgreat-
grandfather is good erumghfor him. However, we can trust OuviA
to see him through it, amough it may taJce time. .

A scene plot is given at the end of the play. I

There are three ways of coming into the room : by the open windows
leading from the garden, by the doors toiBL.,orby the staircase from up
B. H^Ec. PiM chooses the latter way — or rather Anne chooses it for
him ; and Mb. Pim kindly and inoffer^vely foUows her. She comes
down steps and creeses to o., foUowed by Mb. Pim.

Anne (moves up, looking off l. and returning to PiM B.a). FU teQ
Mr. Marden you're here, sir. Mr. Pim, isn't it !

Pim {^nervously). Yes — er — Mr. Pim — ^Mr. Carraway Pim. He
doesn't know me, you understand, but if he could just spare me a

few moments — er (He fumbles in his pockets.) I gave you that

letter ?

Anne. Yes, sir, I'll give it to him.

PiM (brings out a stamped letter which is not the one he was looking
for, but which reminds him of something else he has forgotten. Looking
at letter). Oh ! Dear me 1

Anne. Yes, sir ?

PiM. Dear me. I ought to have posted this. (Looking at letter.)
Oh, well, I must send a telegram. You have a telegraph office in the
village 1

Anne. Oh, yes, sir. (Moving up to terrace up l. and pointing
offh.) 11 you turn to the left when you get outade the gatesi it's

7

• MR Pm PASSES BY. [Aov L

about a hnndied yaids down the hilL Turn to the left and down
thehiU.

PiM. Turn to the left and down the hilL Thank you, thank jou.
Yery stupid of me to have forgotten.

(Anns exits up staircase b.)

(Hb. Pim wanders about the room humming to himself, and hohing ait
the pictures and photos on piano. Then goes out at windov) up l.)

(Dinah enters from staircase up b. dancing , and humming the air of
** Doum on the Farm " : she is nineteen, very pretty, very happy, and
fuU of boyish high spirits and conversation. She dances to foot of
stairs t looks off b,,, then down o.. then to piano ; sits and plays a few
hofs and sings " Doum on the Farm,*' rises and moves up to r, of
piano, and as she does so Pim re-enters from window up l. a/nd they
come suddenly foM to face up hack o. helow the writing-table. There
iff a slight pause,)

Dinah {))achifhg a step). Hullo I

Pim. You must forgive me, but • • • Good momin Mrs.
Harden.

Dinah. Oh, I say, I'm not Mrs. Harden. I'm Dinah.

Pim (with a smUe), Then I will say, Good morning, Miss Diana.

Dinah (reproachfully). Now, look here, if you and I are going
to be friends, you mustn't do that. Dinah, ru>t Diana. Do remember
it, there's a good man, because I get so tired of correcting people.
{Moving down 0. to b.) Have you come to stay with us I {^its
on settee R.)

Pim (following her down). Well, no. Miss — er — Dinah.

Dinah (nodding). That's right. I can see I shan't have to speak
to you again. Now tell me your name, and I bet you I get it right
first time. And do sit down.

Pim (crossir^ to l. and sitting on settee l.). Thank you. My name
Si — er — ^Pim, Carraway Pim

Dinah. Pim, that's easy.

Pim. And I have a letter of introduction to your father

Dinah (rising and crossing to "R, of table l.c. and speaking across
same). Oh, no ; now you're going wrong again, Mr. Pim. George
isn't my father ; he's my uncle. Uncle George — he doesn't like me
calling him George. Olivia doesn't mind — I mean she doesn't mind
being called Olivia, but George is rather touchy. (Sitting on table,
facing Pim.) You see, he's been my guardian since I was about
two, and then about five years ago he married a widow called Mrs.
Telworthy.

Pim (repeating), Mrs. Telworthy.

Dinah. That's Olivia — so she became my Aunt Olivia, only she
lets me drop the Aunt. (Speaking very sharply,) G^et that!
Pim (a Uuh aiarmed). I— I think so, Miss Marden.
Dinah (admiringly). I say, you are quick. Mz. Pim. Well, il

Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 9

you take my advice, when you've finished your business with G^rge,
you will hang about a bit and see if you can't see Olivia. {Rising and
moving o.) She's simply — {feeling for the ti^orcQ— -devastating. I
don't wonder Oeorge fell in love with her.

{Moving to above piano B., looking at photos, ete.)

Tui {rising and looking at his watch and coming c). It's only
the merest matter of business — ^just a few words with your unde—
Perhaps I'd better • • •

Dinah {looking at photo on top end of piano). Well, you must please
yourself, Mr. Pirn. I'm just giving you a friendly word of advice.
Naturally, I was awfully glad to get such a magnificent aunt. {MoV"
ing down to l. of piano arid taking up and looking at photo of Olivia.)
Because, after all, marriage is rather a toss up, isn't it 1

PiM {taken aback). Well, I don't know, I haven't had any experi-
ence • • .

Dinah {continuithg). And Oeorge might have gone off with any-
body. {Moving to PiM.) It's different on the stage, where guardians
always marry their wards, but Oeorge couldn't marry me because
I'm his niece. Mind you, I don't say that I should have had him,
because, between ourselves, he's a little bit old-fashioned.

PiH. So he married — er — ^Mrs. Marden instead.

Dinah. Mrs. Telworthy — don't say you've forgotten already,
just when you were getting so good at names. Mrs. Telworthy.
{Moves to and sits on settee b.) You see, Olivia married the Telworthy
man and went to Australia with him, and he drank himself to
death in the bush, or wherever you drink yourself to death
out there, and Olivia came home to England, and met my uncle,
and he fell in love with her and proposed to her — {rises and kneels on
settee) — and he came into my room that night — I was about fourteen
— ^and turned on the light and said, '' Dinah, how would you like to
have a beautiful aunt of your very own I " (Pim laughs.) And I
said : *' Congratulations, Oeorge." (Pim laughs again.) That was
the first time I called him Oeorge. Of course, I'd seen it coming for
weeks. Telworthy, isn't it a funny name !

Pim. Oh, a most curious name — Telworthy. From Australia,
you say ?

Dinah. Yes, I always say that he's probably still alive, and will
turn up here one morning and annoy Oeorge.

Pim {shocked). Oh I

Dinah. But I'm afraid there's not much chance.

Pim {shocked). Miss Marden 1 Really !

Dinah. WeU, of course, I don't really warU it to happen, but it
would be rather exciting. {Crossing to Pim.) Wouldn't it, Mr.
Pim?

Pnc Exciting I

(Pim crosses to lelow settee L.)

10 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Acs L

Dinah. However, things like that never seem to occur down
here, Bomehow. {Running up into window up R. PiM watches
her.) There was a hayrickbumtlast year about a nule away, bat
that isn't the same, is it ?

PiM. No, I should say that that was certainly different.

Dinah {coming to back of table l.o.). Of course, something very,
very wonderful did happen last night. {Backing away.) No, no I

I'm not sure if I know you well enough {She looks at him

hesitatingly.)

PiM {uncomfortably). Beally, Miss Marden, you mustn't. I am
only a — a passer-by, here to-day and gone to-morrow. You really
mustn't

Dinah {looking round and coming down to Pm). And yet there's
something about you, Mr. Pim, which inspires confidence.

PiM {moving to l.). Oh, no. Really, you mustn't tell me.

Dinah {taking his arm). The fact is---(tn a stage whisper) — ^I got
engaged last night !

Pim. Dear me, let me congratulate you. I wish somebody
would come here.

Dinah {running up to foot of staircase up b. and looking off). I
expect that's why Oeorge is keeping you such a long time. {Turning
to Pim.) Brian, my young man, the well-known painter — only
nobody has ever heard of him — ^he's smoking a pipe with George in
the library and asking for his niece's hand. {Comity hack to Pim,
and taking his hands, she dances round with him in a circle.)

{FnifaUs exhausted and coughing on to settee L. and Dinah laughing

sits on settee b.)

Dinah. Isn't it exciting f You're really rather lucky, Mr. Pim
^I mean being told so soon. Even Olivia doesn't know yet.

Pim. Yes, yes. I congratulate you, Miss Marden. Perhaps
|t would be better {About to get up.)

(Anne comes in from staircase up r. She comes to o.)

Anne. Mr. Marden is out at the moment, sir
Dinah {disappointed). Oh I

Anne {seeing Dinah). Oh, I didn't see you. Miss Dinah !
Pim. Out! eh? Dear! Dear!

Dinah. It's all right, Anne. {Rising.) I'm looking after Mr.
Pim.
Anne. Very well, Miss.
Pim {sotto voce). Out ! Oh, well, I'd better go—

{Exit Anne up staircase B.)

Dinah {excitedly). That's me. {Running up to foot of staircase
and watching Anne off,) They can't discuss me in the library with-
out breaking down — {coming down b. and imitating Oeorge and
Bbian) — so they're walking up and down outside, and slashing at

Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 11

the thistles in order to conceal their emotion. Foti know. I
expect Brian {Grossing up to R. of window.)

PiM (rising^ calling). Miss Marden ! Miss Marden ! (Looking
at his watch.) Yes, I think, Miss Marden, I had better go now and
return a little later. I have a telegram which I want to send, and

perhaps by the time I come back your uncle will be able

I Dinah {coming to Pim). Oh, but how disappointing of you,
when we were getting on together so nicely 1 And it was just going
to be your turn to tell me all about yourself.

PiH. I have really nothing to tell, Miss Marden. I haye a letter
of introduction to your uncle, who in turn will give me, I hope, a
letter to a certain distinguished man whom it is necessary for me to
meet. That is all. {Holding out his hand,) And now, Mjss Marden,
I really think I'd better be going.

Dinah {taking his arm and leading him up stage 0. to L.). Oh, I'll
start you on your way to the post office.

Pim. Will you ! Now, that's really very kind of you.

Dinah. No, it isn't.

Pim. Oh, but it is ! You're a very kind little gid.

Dinah. I want to know if you're married

Pim. Oh, no, I'm not married.

Dinah. — and all that sort of thing. You've got heaps to teD
me, Mr. Pim. Have you got your hat t (Pim shows his hat.) Oh
yes I That's right.

(Brian Strange comes in from window up b. Be is what Oborgi
caUs a damned futuristic painter chap, aged 24. To look atheie
a very pleasant boy, rather urUidily dressed. He is about to teU
Dinah the resuU of his interview with Gborqb when he catches
sight of Pim.)

Then we'll — hullo, here's Brian I {Crossing below and to his B.
seizing him.) Brian, this is Mr. Pim I Mr. Carraway Pim. He's
been telling me all about himself.

Pim. I haven't said a word. I never opened my mouth.

Dinah. It's so interesting. He's just going to send a telegram,
and then he's coining back again. Mr. Pim — {coyly and moving
down to head of settee r.) — ^this is Brian — you know.

Brian {nodding). How-do-you-do f

Pm. How-do-you-do, sir?

Dinah (pleadingly and crossing below Brian to Pm). You won't
mind going to the post office by yourself now, will you ? {Coyly
moving up to diair by writing-table and nervously kicking her ankle^
etc.) Because, you see, Brian and I {She looks lovingly at Brian.)

Pim {moved to sentiment). Miss Dinah and Mr. — er— Brian, I have
only come into your lives for a moment, and it is probable that I
shall now pass out of them for ever, but perhaps you will permit an
old man

Dinah. Oh, not so old I

II MR. PZM PASSES BT. fAcs I.

Vm {dhmhUng h^fpUy). Notoldt Well, ahan we «iy a
»|«4 man- (Dinah nod$ MNfK. Pin laughs again)— % middle-ttsed
iiinn to wUb vt>u both tTtry happineM in the yean that yoa hacw
Ufore you. [OriMWfv in/fonl 0/ Dinah, tAaX^ AoiuZt «mA Bkuh.)
tiuiid- liyn («A(iib'fV A«»«Hb with Dinah}— good-bye, and thank yoo ao
muoh, Oil, I know mv way. (Moving tip l. and t/uming to Doulh.)
Turn to the Idtt and down the kill t Turn to the left aiid down tlie
bill.

(Konl Pm uf l. Dwam kniIoA#i him off uf h. on ienaee and

Bhian up H.)

Dinah {oomino into the room Mow imttng-to&b to B.O.). Bnaok,
he'll get lost if he goea that way.

Brian {oroising at hook of windows and oaUing after him up l.).
Round to the left, air. Yeit, ihat*a right. {He comes back isUo C&a
room^ crossing down l.c.) Rum old bird. Who is he t

Dinah. Darling, you haven't kissed me yet.

Brian {moving wp to her and jmUing her down to bdow settee l.).
Oh, I say. I oughtn't to, but then one never ought to do the nioe
things.

Dinah. Why oughtn't you?

{They sit on the sofa together— Briav to R., Dinah to L.)

Brian. Well, we said we'd be good until we'd told your unde
and aunt all about it. You see, being a guebt in their house

Dinah. But, darling child, what have you been doing all thi^
morning except telling George ?

Brian. Oh, trying to tell George.

Dinah {nodding). Yes, of course, there's a difference.

Brian. I think he guessed there was something up, and he took
me down to see the pigs — he said he had to see the pigs at once —
I don't know why ; an appointment perhaps. And we talked about
pigs all the way, and I couldn't say, " Talking about pigs, I want to
marry your niece "

Dinah {with mack indignation). Oh, of course you couldn't.

Brian. No. Well, you see how it was. And then when we'd
finished talking about pigs, we started talking to the pigs

Dinah {eagerly). Oh, how is Arnold ?

Brian. Arnold . . . ? Oh yes, that's the little black-and-whito
one ? He's very jolly, I believe, but naturally I wasn't thinking
about him much. I was wondering how to begin. And then
Lumsden came up, and wanted to talk pig-food, and the atmosphere
grew less and less romantic, and — and I gradually drifted away.

Dinah. Oh, poor darling 1 Well, we shall have to approach him
through Olivia.

Brian. But I always wanted to tell her first; she's so much
easier. Only you wouldn't let me.

Dinah. That's your fault. Brian. You would toll Olivia that
ihe ought to have orange-and-black curtains in here.

Act L] MR. Pm PASSES BY, 18

Brian. But she wants orange-and-black cnrtaiiui in here.

Dinah. Tea. {Rising and standing toiih her bacit to fircy imitating
Oj&orob.) But Gkorge says he's not going to have any Futuristic
nonsense in an honest English country house, which has been good
enough for his father and his grandfather and Us great-grandfather,
and — and all the rest of them. {Kneels on settee.) So there's a sort
of strained feeling between Olivia and (Jeorge just now, and if
Olivia were to— «ort of recommend you, well, it wouldn't do you
much good.

Brian {looking at her). I see. Of course I know what you want^
Dinah.

Dinah. What do I want ?

Brian. Tou want a secret engagement

Dinah. Oh 1

Brian. And notes left under door-mats-

DlNAH. Oh 1

Brian. And meetings by the withered thori

Dinah. Oh 1

Brian. When all the household is asleep.

Dinah. Oh 1

Brian. I know you.

Dinah. Oh, but it is such fnnl I love meeting people by
withered thorns.

Brian. Well, I'm not going to have it.

Dinah {childishly, siuing dose to him). Oh, Gkorge ! Look at us
being husbandyl

Brian. You babe I I adore you. {He kisses her and holds her
hands.) You know, you're rather throwing yourself away on me.
Do you mind ?

Dinah (putting her legs up on settee and reclining her head on his
shoulder). Not a bit.

Brian. We shall never be rich, but we shall have lots of fun, and
meet interesting people, and feel that we're doing something worth
doing, and not getting paid nearly enough for it, and we can curse
the Academy together and the British Public, and — oh, it's an
exciting life.

Dinah {seeing it). I shall love it.

Brian {sincerely). I'll make you love it. You shan't be sorry,
Dinah.

Dinah. You shan't be sorry either, Brian.

Brian {looking at her lovingly). Oh, I know I shan't. . . .
What will Olivia think about it f Will she be surprised ?

Dinah. Olivia ? Oh, she's never surprised. She always seems
to have thought of things about half an hour before they happen.
Ckorge just begins to get hold of them about half an hour after
they've happened. {Considering him, stroking his hair.) After aU,
there's no reason why Oeorge shouldn't like you, darling.

Brian. I'm not his sort^ you know, really.

U UR. Pm PASSES BY. [Aox L

DwAH. You're more Olivia's sort. Well, we'll tell Olivia this

(Olivia comet in from top of staircase up b.)

Olivia (coming tn). And what are you going to tell Olivia t
moTning ! {They jump «p and go to her.)

Dinah. Olivia, darling

OLrviA. Oh, well, 1 tiunk I can guest.

(Dinah goes to her R. ant! Brian to her l., and they hrin^ W down o

Beian {foUoicing). Say 70a understand, Mrs. Harden.

OuviA. MxB. Marden, 1 am afraid, is a very dense person, Briftn, J
but I think if you asked Olivia if she understood

Bklui. BlesB you, Olivia. I knew you'd be on oui side.

DiNAB. Of course she would.

Olivia. I don't know if it's usual to Idas an aunt-in-law, Brian,
but Dinah is such a very special sort of niece that — {the iiidinea her
cheek and Bbiam kisses ii).

Dinah {backing away (0 K. a Hale). I say, you aie in luck to-daj,
Brian.

(Brian move* «p 0. laughing.)

Otrvu (erossingbehw neaee I., and tip L. to cabititi). Andhowmai^ I
people have been told the good news 1

Brian. Nobody yet.

Dinah. Except Mr. Pim.

Bbian (crossing dovm to Dinah). Oh, does h a

Olivia (turning as she reaches cabinet up l.). Wbo's Mr. Rm f 1

Dinah. Oh, he just happened — (Olivia lalees curtains and worl^ j
basket jrom centre cupboard of oa&inri.)— I say, are those the curtains I f
Then you're going to have them after all 1 |

I Olivia {with an air of surprise, coming down l., and fwtting worl^ i
basket on table l.c. and sitting with curtains). After all whatt
But I decided on them long ago. {To Brian.) You haven't told ,
George yet. ,

Brian {moving to below stool L.o.). I began to, you know, but I I
never got any farther than " Er — there's just — er " |

Dinah {crossiTtg quickty b^ow Olivia and speaking into her jaed^. '
George would talk about pigs all the time.

Olivia. Well, I suppose you want me to help yon.

Dinah (sitting to L. of Olivia). Oh, do, darling.

Brian (sits on stool l.c). It would be awfully decent of yoo.
Of course, I'm not quite hu sort really——

Dinah. You're my sort.

BuAH. But I don't think h.t objects to me. and—

Anl.]

HR. PIM PASSES BY.

IB

I

(GaOBQS eomes in from terrace, a typical, narroto-minded, htmett
country gatdeman of forty odd. Bruk riset hurriedly and
eroase^ to above piano to b. Dutah me« and stands by f^epiaoe.
Olitia unfolds cuiiaini and prepares to sew.)

Qeobs^ (at the windows — he does not see Bbjah). Hullo 1 Hollo I
HqUo 1 What's all this about a Mr. Pirn t Who ia he } Where
is he 1 {He puts his cap on table, tind comes doion into room.) I
bod moBt important busiaess with Lumsden, and the girl comes down
and cackles about a Mr. Pim, or Kng, or somftthing. Where did
I put his card t {Brining it out.) Cairaway Pirn. Never heard
of him in my life. {Moves back to teriting^ahle and pvts dotim eard.)

Dinah. He said he had a letter of introdiction, Uncle George.

Geckos. Oh, you saw bim, did 70a ! (Comes down c. to b.)
Tea, that reminds me, there was a letter — (As bfingt it out and
reads it).

DmAH. He bad to send a telegram. He's coming back.

Olivia. Pass me those sctssors, Brian.

Bbian (crossing to above table L.c). These t (He passes them.)

Olivia {giving Brian a nod of encouragement and looking round
at Dinah). Thank you.

Gbobos (reading). Ah well, a friend of Brymer's. Glad to oblige
him. Yee, I know the ntan he wants. Coming back, you say,
Dinah t (Dinah nods.) Then I'll tie going back too. Send him
down to the farm, Olivia, when he comes. (Going up m,eets
Bbiak.) Hallo, what happened to you f {Stili moving up a
mie.)

Olivia. Don't go, George, there's something we want to talk
about.

(Dinah gives a long whistle. AU look sheepish and Geobos notice*
their attUtide.)

George. Hallo, what's this ?

Bbian (quickly and over back of l.c. tabU to Olivia). Shall 1 1

(Dinah pantomimes. "Tea, do.")

Olivia (wiiA a roguish look at Dinah). Yea. (Sticks needle in

I've been wanting to tell you all this
2 to have an oppoitunity of getting

work.)

Bbian (stepping out to C.)
tnorning, sir, only I didn't set

it out.

Geoboe. Well, what is it 1
(Bbian, taken aback for a moment, loo ks to Olivia for encouragement.
She nods approval and turning to Dinab, takes her hand encourag-
ingly.)

Brian (boldly). I want to many Dinah, sir.
Geoboe. You want to mairy Dinah t God bless my soul I
IhNAB {rushtAg to hm below and to hit B. and fuUtnq Am dtMlk

16 MR. Pm PASSES BY. [Aov L

against his coat and her hands on his shoulder). Oh, do say 70a
like the idea, Uncle (George.

Oeorqb. Like the idea ! {Taking her hands from his shoulder.)
Have you heard of this nonsense, Olivia ?

{Movement of annoyance from Dinah.)

Olivia. They've just this moment told me, George. I think
they would be happy together.

Gborob {crossing to fireplace l., to Brian). And what do you
propose to be happy togetlier on ?

Brian (r.c). Well, of course, I know it doesn't amount to much
at present, but we shan't starve.

Dinah. Brian got fifty pounds for a picture last March 1

Oeorob (a Utile upset by this). Oh I {Recovering gamely.) And
how many pictures have you sold since f

Brian {gives a nervous look at Olivia and Dinah, who then
sits on settee R.). Well, none, but

Oeorgb. None I And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going
to buy pictures with triangular clouds and square sheep ? (Brian,
annoyed, moves up r.o.) And they call that Art nowadays I Grood
God, man {moving up to the windows), go outside and look at the
clouds I

Olivia {fjusy stitching rings on curtains). If he draws round
clouds in future, George, will you let him marry Dinah ?

(Gborob looks round, annoyed. Brian is hopeful and comes down

towards Dinah.)

Oeorob {upset hy this, coming down to head of l.o. table). What
— ^what ? Yes, of course, you would be on his side — ^all this Futur-
istic nonsense. (Olivia commences to sew.) I'm just taking these
clouds as an example. {Crossing to Brian.) I suppose I can see
as well as any man in the county, and I say that clouds aren't
triangular.

Brian {ingratiatingly). After all, sir, at my age one is naturally
experimenting, and trying to find one's {with a laugh) — ^well, it
sounds priggish, but one's medium of expression. I shall find out
what I want to do directly, but I think I shall always be able to
earn enough to live on. Well, I have for the last three years.

Georob. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wif e

Brian. Yes — no—no

Dinah. Yes, you do.

Brian. Yes.

Gborob. And you propose to start experimenting with mj
niece?

Brian {with a shrug). Well, of course, if you

Olivia. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving
Dinah a good allowanoe until she's twenty-one.

Act L] MR. PIM PASSES BT. 17

Geobgb. Help the experiment I I don't want to help the ezperir
ment. {Crossing uj> to toriting-uMe.)

Olivia {apohgeticaUy). Oh, I thought you did.

George. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with
taxes always going up and rents always going down, it's as much
as we can do to rub along as we are {to back of L.o. table)^ without
making allowances to everybody who thinks she wants to get
married. (To Brian.) And that's thanks to you, my friend.

Brian (surprised). To mef

Olivia. Tou never told me, darling. What's Brian been
doing?

Dinah (indignantly). He hasn't been doing anything.

George (round to foot of table l.c). He's one of your Socialists
who go turning the country upside down.

Olivia. But even Socialists must get married sometimes.

George (crossing below Olivia to fifeplace), I don't see any
necessity.

Olivia. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling,
if they all died out.

Brian (coming a little c). Really, sir, I don't see what my politics
and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly rsady not to talk
about either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to
object to them

Dinah (moving towards Brian and chamjnonit^ him). I should
think she doesn't.

George. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay.

Brian. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. 80
what it really comes to is that you don't think I can support a
wife.

George. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't
think you can.

Brian (moving to r. of UMe L.O.). All right, tel! me how much
you want me to earn in a year, and I'll earn it.

George (hedging). It isn't merely a question of money. I just
mention that as one thing — one of the important things. (George
crosses to Brian who backs towards Dinah.) In addition to that,
I think you are both too young to marry. (Dinah stamps her foot.)
I don't think you know your own minds (Dinah kneels dejectedly
en settee b.), and I am not at all persuaded that, with what I Ventura
to call your outrageous tastes

Dinah. Oh I

George. You and my niece will live happily together. (Paum.
Crossing up to writing-4able, sits.) Just because she thinks she loves
you, Dinah may persuade herself now that she agrees with all you
say and do, but she has been properly brought up in an honest
English coimtry household — (Dinah throws up her arms and buriei
her face in her hands on piano) and— er — she — ^well, in short, I cannot
at aU approve of any engagement between you. {filing tip.)

It

MR. PIM PASSES BY.

Olivia, if this Mr. — er — Pim comes, 1 etall be dowp at the f
You might send him along to me.

{He walk* towarids the mndowi up L.)

Briah (moving up b., folloioed by Ddiah ; indignanlly),
any reason why I shouldn't many a girl who has been ptopc
brought up )

George. I think yon know my views, Strange.
(Ddiah, disapfoinled, crosses down b. again to belote tahls I

Olivia. George, wait a moment, deai. We can't quite leava'l
Hke this.
GxoBOi. I have said all I want to say on the subject.

(Ddiah tiU on settee b.)

Olivia. Tea, darling, but I haven't begun to say all that |
Want to eay on the subject.

Geoboe {crossing down to back of table l.o.). Of course, if yon h
•nything to say, Olivia, I will listen to it ; but I don't know that
this is quite the time — [OLiriA makes a marked movemeni as she
is sewing the curtains), or that you have choaen — (looking darkly at
the eurtains) — quite the occupation likely to — ei — endear your views
to ni«.

Dinah {tmttinousUf, rising quickly and crossing to stool on which
she kneds and looks up into Gbobqk's face and bangs the table). I
may as well tell you, Uncle George, that I have got a good deal to
tay, too.

(Beian crosses down to her B., gingerly puUing her sleeve, trj/ing to
restrain her.) J

Olivia. Yes, darling. I can guess what you are going to ajpH
Dinah, and I think you had "better keep it for the moment. ^|

Dinah (meekly, backing to B. bdow Bbian and to L. of table B,a).
Yea, Aunt Olivia.

Olivia. Brian, you might take her outside for a walk. I expect
^ou have plenty to talk about.

(Bbian and Dinah t

B up B.)

Osobqb {foUounng f Aem up). Now mind. Strange, no love-maki

I put you on your honour about that.
Brian (looking round dubiously at Dinah). I'll do my best ^

ftvoid it, sir.
Dinah (cheekily). May I take his arm if we go up a hill T
Olivia, I'm sure you'll know how to behave— both of yoB. I
Baian (b. of wriling-table). Come on, then, Dinah.
DiKAH (following him). RightKi.

{They exeunt through windows and off to L.)

Act I.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 19

George {as they go). And if you do see any clouds. Strange, take
a good look at them. {He chuckles to himself.) Triangular clouda —
I never heard of such nonsense. {He goes back to his chair
at the torUtMhtdble and sits.) Futuristic rubbish. • • • Well,
Olivia!

Olivia {sewing curtains). Well, Oeorge I

George. What are you doing ?

Olivia. Making curtains — {grunt of disapproval from George)^
Greorge. Won't they be rather sweet! Oh, but I forgot — ^you
don't like them.

George. No. I don't like them, and what is more, I don't
mean to have them in my house. As I told you yesterday, this is
the house of a simple country gentleman, and I don't want any
of these new-fangled ideas in it.

Olivia. Is marrjdng for love a new-fangled idea !

George. We'll come to that directly. None of you women
can keep to the point. What I am saying now is that the house of
my fathers and forefathers is good enough for me.

Olivia. Do you know, Gkorge, I can hear one of your ancestors
saying that to his wife in their smelly old cave — (George looks
up annoyed at her 2et;i<i/)— -when the new-fangled idea of building
houses was first suggested. " The Cave of my Forefathers is good
enough for "

George {rising and coming to b. of l.o. talUe). That's ridiculous.
Naturally we must have {progress. But that's just the point.
{Ir^dioa;ting the curtair^.) I don't call this sort of thing progress.
It's — ^ah — retrogression.

Olivia. WeU, anyhow, it's pretty.

George. There I disagree with you. And I must say once more
that I will not have them hanging in my house. {Going wp R«a)

Olivia. Very well, George. {But she goes on working.)

George {seeing her continuing to sew^ stops). That being so, I
don't see the necessity of going on with them.

Olivia. Well, I must do something with them now I've got
the material.

(George goes up to writing-tahle, sits and writes.)

I thought perhaps I could sell them when they're finished — as we're
■0 poor.

George {turns to her with surprised look). What do you mean —
so poor!

Olivia. Well, you said just now that you couldn't give Dinah
an allowance because rents had gone down.

George {annoyed). Confound it, Olivia I Keep to the point I
We'll tal& about Dinah's afiairs directly. We're discussing our own
sfiairs at the moment.

Olivia. But what is there to discuss, dear!

George. Well, those ridiculous things.

20 MR. Pm PASSES BY. [Act L

OuviA. But we've finished that. TouVe said 70a wouldn't
have them hanging in your house, and I've said, ** Very well, George/'
— (Geobob %8 again annoyed.) — Now we can go on to Dinah and
Brian.

Georoe (fihauting). But put these beastly things away.

Olivia {ris'ing and gatheriiig up the curtains). Very well, George.

{Ooing up l. she places the curtains on the cabinet,)

George {uniits impatiently untU she has put them away on top of
cabinet). Ah 1 That's better.

(Olivia comes to table L.0.9 closes her workbox and then crosses doum

to settee b.)

Geobge {rising and crossing doum to Olivia and placing arms
lovingly on her shoulder). Now look here, Olivia, old girl, you've
been a jolly good wife to me — {takes his arms from her shoulder)—^
and we don't often have rows, and if I've been rude to you about
this — lost my temper a bit perhaps, what! — I'll say I'm sorry.
May I have a kiss ?

Olivia {holding up her face). George, darling 1 {He kisses her.)
Do you love me ?

George. You know I do, old girl.

Olivia. As much as Brian loves Dinah f

George {stiffly, taking her hands from his shoulders). I've said all
I want to say about that. {He goes away from her to l.)

Olivia. Oh, but there must be lots you want to say and perhaps
don't like to. {Sits on settee R.) Do tell me, darling.

George {coming back to 0.). What it comes to is this. I coih-
sider that Dinah is too young to choose a husband for herself, and
that Strange isn't the husband I should choose for her.

Olivia. You were calling him Brian yesterday.

George. Yesterday I regarded him as a boy, now he wants
me to look upon him as a man.

Olivia. He's twenty-four.

George. Yes, and Dinah's nineteen. Ridiculous. {Grossing up
to smoking-tabh up R., and filling his pipe which he finds on table.)

Olivia. If he'd been a Conservative, and thought that clouds
were round, I suppose he'd have seemed older, somehow.

George. That's a different point altogether. That hsis nothing
to do with his age.

Olivia {inrwcently). Oh, I thought it had.

George {crossing down 0. stuffing tobacco into his pipe). What I
am objecting to is these ridiculously early marriages before either
party knows its own mind, much less the mind of the other party,
{Momng tofi/replace looking for a match.) Such marriages invariably
lead to unhappiness*

Olivia. Of course, my first marriage wasn't a happy one.

George. As you know, Olivia, I dislike speaking about your

Ad I.] MR. Pm PASSES BY. 21

first marriage at all — (takes a match from table down L. Olivia
rises slowly and goes up to B,. of torUing-table) — ^and I had no
intention of bringing it up now, but since you mention it — well,
there's a case in point. (Sits on settee l., lighting his pipe,)

Olivia {looking back at it). When I was eighteen, I was in love.

Georqe {turning to her). What ?

Olivia. Or perhaps I only thought I was, and I don't know if
I should have been happy or not if I had married him. But my
father made me marry Mr. Jacob Telworthy. (Georqe looks up
ml her, annoyed,) And when things were too hot for him in England
— " too hot for him " — I think that was the expression we used in
those days — then we went to Australia, and I left him there. {Goes
slowly down to back of settee l.) And the only happy moment I had
in all my married life was on the morning when I saw in the papers
that he was dead. {Leans with her arms over back of settee,)

Geobqe {very uncomfortable yet lovingly taking her hands with his
left hand). Yes, yes, my dear, I know, I know. You must have
had a terrible time. I can hardly bear to think about it. My only
hope is that I have made up to you for it in some degree. {She
places her left cheek lovingly on his head, ) {Dropping her hands,) But
I don't see what bearing it has upon Dinah's case.

Olivia. Oh, none, except that my father liked Jacob's political
opinions and his views on art. {Momng slowly round l.c. table
to behw stool at foot.) I expect that that was why he chose him
for me.

George. You seem to think that I wish to choose a husband
for Dinah. I don't at all. Let her choose whom she likes as long
as he can support her and there's a chance of their being happy
together. Now, with regard to this fellow

Olivia. You mean Brian ?

George. Well, he's got no money, and he's been brought up in
quite a different way from Dinah. Dinah may be prepared to
believe that — er — all cows are blue, and that — er — waves are square,
but she won't go on believing it for ever.

Olivia. Neither will Brian.

George {moving to r. end of settee). Well, that's what I keep
teUing him, only he won't see it. Just as I keep telling you about
those ridiculous curtains. {PoirUs to cupboard with pipe in right
hand over his left shoulder,) It seems to me that I am the only
person in the house with any eyesight left.

OuviA. Perhaps you are, darling; but you must let us find
out our own mistakes for ourselves. {Sits on stool l.c.) At any
rate, Brian is a gentleman ; he loves Dinah, Dinah loves him ;
he's earning enough to support himself, and you are earning enough
to support Dinah.

Gborob {amazed). What t

OuviA. I think it's worth risking, G^rge.

George {stiffly), I can only say the whole question demands

I

a MR. Pm PASSES BY. [An

much more anxious thought than 70a seem to have ffven it. Yon
say that he is a gentleman. He knows how to behave, I admit;
but if his morals are u topsy-turvy as bis tastes and — er — politioa,

as I've no doubt they are (ruinff and moving to L.), then — er

In short, I do not approve of Brian Strange as a husband for my
niece and ward. {Kiwcka pijie out down L.)

Olivia {looking at him ihtnightfuUy). Yon are a curious mixtun^
Qeorge. You were so very unconventional when you married ma,
and you're so very conventional when Brian wante to marry Dinah.
, . . George Harden to marry the widow of a convict !

Gbobqb (advantinq). Convict I What do you mean 1

Olivia, Jacob Tel worthy, convict — I forget his numl
surely I told you all this, dear, when we got engaged I

George. Never I

Olivia. Oh, but I told yon how he careleasly put th« wrong
signature to a cheque for a thousand pounds in England ; how he
made a little mistake about two 01 three companies he'd promoted
in Australia ; and how

Georoe. Yes, yes {erotsmg slowly to a. below Oltvia], but 70a
never told me he'd been — er — well^ — convict^ I

Olivia. What difference dues it make t

GsoitoB. My dear Olivia, if you can't see that — a — a — oh, well I

Olivia. Oh I A convict I So, you. see, we needn't be too
particular about our niece, need we 1

Geobgb. I think we had hotter leave your first husband ont of
the conversation altogether. I never wished to refer to h'Tt ;
I never wish to hear about him again. I certainly bad not realised
that he was actually — er — well — convicted for his — «r — {moving to
vrUing-table and picking up his eap).

Olivia, Mistakes.

Georqe. Well, we needn't go into that. As for this other matter,
I don't for a moment take it seriously. Dinah ia an exceptionally
pretty girl, and young. Strange ia a good-looking boy. (Coming
down to back of settee l.) If they are attracted to each other, it ia
a mere outward attraction whiob I am convinced will not lead to any
lasting happiness. (Olivia is about la protest.) That must be !•• j
garded as my last word in the matter, Olivia, If this Mr, — e^~ J
what was his name, comes, I shall be down at the farm. I

(GxoROE goes out by the etaircase up B,) '

(Left alone, Olivia rises, goes up c, takes up her curtaint again and
crossing down l. sits on seUee, and gets calmly to work upon
Ihrnn.)

(DlSAfi cotnes in i^ the windows from up a. and crosses to L. window at
back, tien seeing Olivia, beckons to Brian and runs down to baei
of settee to B. of OuviA. Bklui onters from up a., and follows down m
to back of taUe l.o.)

1

Aoi I.] MR. PIM PASSES BT. 28

DmAH {over hack of settee). Finished 1

Olivia (startled). Oh, no, IVe got all these rings to put on.

Dinah. I meant talldng to George.

Olivia. Oh 1

Brian. We walked about outrid e

Dinah. Until we heard him not talking to you any mor e

Brian. And we didn't kiss each other once.

Dinah and Brian {pointing roguishly and with satisfaelion ai
Olivia). Ah I

Dinah. Brian was very George-like. He wouldn't even let me
tickle the back of his neck. {She goes suddenly to Olivia and sits
on her l.) Darling {putting her arms round Olivia and kissing Aer),
being George-like is a very nice thing to be — I mean a nice thmg for
other people to be — I mean — oh, you know what I mean. But say
that he's going to be decent about it.

Olivia. Of course he is, Dinah.

Brian {sits on stool l.o., and leans forward eagerly). You mean
he'll let me come here

Dinah. As my young man t

Olivia. Oh, I think so.

Dinah {kissing Olivia) . Olivia, you're a wondei;

{Embraces her round the neds.)
(Rising and crossing below Brian, teuehing him on ihe shoulder.)

Brian I

{Crossing to piano, sits and plays five bars of " The Wedding March,**
rises and crosses at back of BmAK to l. of Ouvu behind settee.)

Have you really talked him roimd !
Olivia. I haven't said anything yet.
Dinah {very disappointed). Ohl

(Brian rises and backs to o.)

Olivia. But I dare say I shall think of something,

Brian. Oh I my lord.

Dinah {disappointedly). Oh I

Brian {going up o.). After all, Dinah, I'm going back to London
to-morrow

Dinah {crossing quickly towards Brian). Oh, no, no I

Olivia. Now, Dinah. You can be good for one more day, and
then when Brian isn't here, we'll see what we can do.

Dinah {placing her hands on Brian's shoulders). Yes, but I
didn't want him to go back to-morrow.

Brian {sternly, taking her hands away). Must. Hard work
before me. (Dinah moves to back of table l.o.) Earn thousands a

Ef . {Ooing down r. Dinah and Olivia are amused). Faint the
yor and Corporation of Pudsey, life-sizoi including chains of

24 MR Pm PASSES BY. [Aov L

office ; paint slice of haddock on plate. Copy Landseer for old
gentleman in Bayswater. Design antimacassar for middle-aged
sofa in Streatham. {Sitting and putting hia legs up on settee B.) Oh*
yes. Earn a living for you, Dinah.

DmAH (giggling). Oh, Brian, you're heavenly. What fun we
shall have when we're married.

Brian {with exaggerated dignity). Sir Brian Strange, R.A., if
you please, Miss Marden. Sir Brian Strange, R.A., writes : ** Your
Sanogene has proved a most excellent tonic. After completing
the third acre of my Academy picture, ' The Mayor and Corporation
of Pudsey,' I was complet^^ly exhausted, but one bottle of Sanogene
revived me. and I finished the remaining seven acres at a smgle
sitting."

Olivia {rising and looking about her). Brian, find my scissors for
me. {Sits again.)

Brian {rising and crossing to a). Scissors. Sir Brian Strange,
B.A., looks for scissors.

(Brian, clasping his hands h^ind hia back, unth a very invportant
walky looks first on the top end of piano, then on writing-table at back.
Dinah playfully follows him round, imitating his walk. Brian
crosses to cabinet up L. and finds the scissors on top, takes them up
arid in a threatening attitude turns to Dinah, exclaiming, " Bb, ha I **
Dinah with a little playful scream backs to chair below writir^^dtile^
and sits. Holding up aeissora.)

Once more we must record an unqualified success for the eminent
Academician. {Turning to Olivia and with a bow hands them over
the back of settee to her.) Your scissors.

Olivia. Thank you so much.

Dinah. Come on, Brian, let's go out. I feel open-airy.

{They go up b.)

Olivia. Don't be late for lunch, there's good people. Lady
Marden is coming.

Dinah. Aunt Juli-ah I Help I {She faints in Brian's arms.)
That means a clean pinafore. Brian, you'll jolly well have to brush
your hair.

Brian {feeling it). I suppose there's no time now to go up to
London and get it cuti

{Enter Anne from stairs up R. and comes to foot of staircase, followed
by PiM, who comes half-way down the stairs.)

Anne. Mr. Pirn 1

Dinah {delighted). Hullo, Mr. Pirn 1 {ImiUUing a ckwn.) Here
.we are again I You can't get rid of us so easily, you see.

Pm. I— er— dear Miss Marden (Crosses down to a)

Olivia. How-do-you-do, Mr. Pimf I can't get up, but do
come and sit down. (Pim shahea hamda wiik Olivia.) My husband

Act I.] MR PIM PASSES BY. 25

will be here in a minute. Anne, send eomebody down to the
Anns. I think I heard the Master in the libraiy. madam.
Olivia. Oh, will 70a tell him then t
Anns. Yes, madam.

(Anns goes out wp staircase^

Olivia. You'll stay to lunch, of course, Mr. Pirn 1

DmAH (coming down c. to b.). Oh, do I

Pm. It's very kind of you, Mrs. Marden, but

Dinah. Oh, you simply must, Mr. Pim. You haven't told us
half enough about yours^ yet. I want to hear all about your ^rly
Ufe.

Olivia. Dinah 1

(Dinah sUs at piano and plays thirty-two bars of " If you could &nly

care")

Pm. Oh, we are almost, I might say, old friends, Mrs. Marden.
(Brian comes down and kneels on settee r., listening to Dinah playing.)

Dinah. Of course we are. lie knows Brian, too. There's
more in Mr. Pim than you think. You will stay to limch, won't
you?

Pim (sits an stool l.o.). It's very kind of you to ask me, Mrs.
Marden, but I am lunching with the Trevors.

Olivia. Oh, well, you must come to lunch another day.

Pm. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Dinah. The reason why we like Mr. Pim so much is that he
was the first person to congratulate us. We feel that he is going to
have a great influence on our lives.

Pm {to Olivia). I, so to speak, stumbled on the engagement
this morning, and — er

Olivia. I see. Children, you must go and tidy yourselves up.
Run along.

Brian. Sir Brian and Lady Strange never run ; they walk.
(Dinah stops playing,) {Offering his r. arm and boudng.) Madam I
(Dinah curtsies and takes his arm and they go up 0.)

(Dinah takes mincing steps and playfully shakes her hand at Mr.

Pm, who is amused,)

Dinah. An revob, Mr. Pim. {Dramatically.) We — shall—
meet — again I

(Pm laughing heartily y rises and bows.)

(Brian and Dinah go out through the window up 0. to L.)

Olivia. You must forgive them, Mr. Pim. They're such
eldldren. And naturally they're rather excited just now.
Pm. Oh, naturally, naturally 1

cepti

'g—

t6 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Aot t"

Olivia. Of course you won't aaj anything abont their engaga-
ment. We only heard about it five minutes ago, uid nothing has
been settled yet.

pDi. Oi coutse, of Douise I

{£nter Oeobqe: from staircase up B.)

Georok. Ab, Ur. Pim, we medi at last. Sony to bare kep(
you waiting before. {Shaking }utnds.) How are you ) How are you?

pBi. The apology should come from me, Mr. Marden, for having—
er

Geobob. Not at all. Very glad to meet you now. Any ftieq
of Brymer's. You want a letter to this man Fanshawe I

Olivia. Bhall I be in youi way at all ?

PiM. Oh, no, no, please don't.

OeoxoE. Oh, no. It's only just a question of a letter. Fanshawe
will put yon in the way of seeing all that you want to see. {Crossing
up lo wriling-lable, eits.) He's a very old friend of mine. {Taking
a sheet of jtotepaper and turning in chair lo Pm.) You'll stay to
lunch, of course ?

Pm. It's very kind of yoa, but Pm lunching with the Trevors,
(iSii.f lieltee It. and j»Us down his hat attd gloves.)

Geoiuie. Ab, weU, they'UIook after you all right. Good obap,

PiM. Oh, very good . . , very good. (To Olivia.) You see, Mrs.
Harden, I have only recently arrived from AustraliEi — (Olivia stops
Ml her ^ewJMff and Geoboe looks up)— after travelling about the world
for some years, and Pm rather out ot touch with my — er — fellow-
workers in Loudon.

Olivia. I see 1 You've been in Australia, Mr. Pim 1

PiM. Oh, yes, I

Oboroe {after a loud cough). 8orry to keep you waiting, Mr. 1
I shan't be a moment.

Pim. Oh, that's all right, thank yon, {To Olivia.) Oh, jea,
I have been in Australia more than ouce in the last few years.

Olivia. Really ? I used to live at Sydney many years ago.
Do you know Sydney at all 1

Pm. Oh, yes, I was

GzonaB {coughing). H'r'ia I Perhaps I'd better mention t
yon are a friend of the Trevors *

PiM. Thank you, thank you. {To Olivia.) Indeed yes,
■l^ct several months in Sydney a few years ago.

Olivia. How uu''ioust I wonder if we have any friends 1
Oommon there.

Georoe {coughing and gruffly). Extremely unlikely, I should
think. Sydney is a very big place.

Pim, "True, true, but the world is a very small place, Mr. Marden.
I had a remarkable instance of that, coming over on the boat t' '
lut time.

A

I, y^,
i ago.

A

res, H
ids d

Aov L] MR. PIM PASSES BY. n

Oeobgb. Ah I (FeeUng that the oanveraation 4$ now safe^ h§
resumes his letter.)

PiM. Yes. There was a man I used to employ in Sydney some
years ago, a bad fellow, I'm afraid, Mrs. Marden, who had been in
prison for some kind of fraudulent company-promoting and had
taken to drink and — ^and so on.

Olivia. Yes, yes, I understand.

PiM. Drinking himself to death, I should haye said. I gaye him
at the most another year to live. Yet to my amazement the first
person I saw as I stepped on board the boat that brought me to
Bng^nd last week was this fellow. There was no miRtsJring him.
I spoke to him, in fact ; we reoogniced eaoh other.

(Qbobob rites.)

OLmk. Really !

PiM. He was travelling steerage; we didn't meet again on
board, and as it happened at Marseilles, this poor fellow — er — ^now
what was his name ! A very unusual one. Began with a — a T,
I think.

Olivia {with suppressed feeUng). Yes, Mr. Pim, yes ! {She pute
cut a hand to Oeobgb.)

Oeobob {in an undertone^ taking her hand). Nonsense, dear I

Pim {triumphantly). I've got it I Telworthy!

Olivia {draws back in settee^ overcome). Telworthy I

Geoboe. Good God I

Pim (a UtU^ surprised at the success of his story) . An unusual name^
is it not t Not a name you could forget when once you had heard
it.

Olivia {with feeling^ gazing into space with hands clenched). No,
it is not a name you could forget when once you had heard it.

Geoboe {JMStUy coming over to Pm). Quite so, Mr. Pim, a most
remarkable name, a most odd story altogether. Well, well, here's
your letter-— (Pm rises and takes letter) — and if you're sure you
won't stay to lunch

Pim. No, thank you. You see, I'm lunching with

Geoboe. With the Trevors, yes. I remember you told me.
{Taking his arm and hurrying him up o.) I'll just see you on your
way. . . . {To Olivia, who does not notice Pm holding out his hand
to say good-bye.) Er — my dear

Olivia {hMing out her hand, but not looking at him). Good-bye^
Mr. Pim.

Pm {shaking hands with Olivia). Good-bye, good-bye I

Geoboe {taking him by the arm up L. towards we windows). This
way, this way. Quicker for you.

Pm. Thank you, thank you.

(Geoboe hurries him up o. and he exits to l. Olivia looks uUe A§
past and shudders. Gbobob eomes back to a)

28

MR. PDf PASSES BY.

lAcmh

Obobob. Good God I Telworthy I (Annb mUen from up r.
and comes to foot of staircase,) Is it possible t

{Before Olivia can answer , Lady Mabdbv is annour^eed,)

Annb. Lady Marden.

(Geoboe erosses down to Olivia and touches her on the shofUder.
They puU themselves together^ and Olivia rises and is crossing
tmmds a to greet Lady Mabden, who does not afpear.)

Quick Ovbtaoi.

ACT n

floBini. — The same scene wd fumitufe mA addUton elf m wmp
table and five caw/p chairs outside an terrace at back centre. Lunek
is aver. Lady Makden's whip and gloves are an writinfidbie.

{Anne enters unth coffee for five an salver, from double doors b.» and i$
about to place it on table l.o. when Olivia, w?io foUaws her an, says :)

Olivia. We'll have cofiee on the terrace, Anne.
Anne. Very good, madam. {Moves up l. and places saher
-on camp table on terrace,)

{Lady Harden follows Olivia from double doors b. Anne crossee

at back of windows to B.)

OuviA. We'll have cofEee on the terrace. Aunt Julia.

{Lady Mabden crosses in front of Olivia and up l. through wir^
dows and sits b. at back of camp table, Oeoboe follows Lady
Mabden, m£ets Olivia, and both throw up their arms despairingly.
Olivia crosses up l. through windows and sits to L. of cam/p taUe,
Dinah and Bbian foUow Oeobge on.)

(Anne exiJts at doors b.)

{Qeoboe turns, and seeing Dinah is annoyed, follows Olivia up

l. and sits l. of Lady Mabden.)

Dinah {to Bbian). I know Aunt Julia likes a little music.

{Dinah comes down to piano and takes up smaU guitar. Bbian
crosses to l., laughing at her. She goes up l. of writing-table,
playing and singing, and crosses round back of writing-table and
sits to B. of camp table, Bbian follows her and stands with his back
to windows, Qeoboe and Lady Mabden are annoyed with Dinah's
playing, and teU her to stop, and she does so. Olivia pours milk
into Dinah's cup and Bbian passes it to her; she drinks and then
commences to play again and is stopped by looks from Lady Mabden
and Oeobge.)

Lady Mabden {to Dinah). No I No I Don't do it I
Olivia. Your aunt does not like it, dear.

{Qeoboe and Olivia want to be alone, so do Bbian and Dinah.
M last Bbian nmmnwrs something aboid a dgarett&^ase, and oatch^

29

so KR. PIM PASSES BY. [

•n^ Dinah's e^, comes into the room. He ham a^mst the nfa
down L. and waits for her.)

DiNAS (htidly, as she comes in strumming on gttilar). Have 70a
found it %

Bbiait. Found what !

Den&H (tfl her ordinary voice, crossing quicklif down to Bbub).
That was JTiBt for their benefit. I said I'd help you find it. It w
your cigarette-oaae we're looking for, ien't it 1

Bbun (taking it out). Yea. Have one t

Dinah. No, thank yon, darling. [Bbian goes up ft. to «fflo£tn^
taUe for a nuOch.) Aunt Juli-ah still thinks it's unladylike. . . .
Have you ever seen lur beagling I {Comas doten to piano, puts
doton intlrum«nt.) ^_

Briah, No. Is titat very ladylike t m^^

Dinah (sitting on settee B.). Very. , , . I say, what haa l<^H
pened, do you think t ^^M

Brian (moving down to hack of fobk B.C.). Ererything. I Um
you, and you love me.

Dinah. Silly I I meant between Oeorge and Olivia. Didn't
yon notice them at lunch 1

Bbian (siis on table), I noticed that you seemed to be doing mort
of the talking, But then I've noticed that before eometimea.
Do you think Olivia and your uncle have qu&rrelled because of

Dinah. Of oonise not. Oeorge may think he has qaan-elled, bnt
I'm quite sure Olivia haan't. No (Dinah beckons to Brian, vho
ixmes and sits above her), I believe Mr. Pirn's at the bottom of it.
He's brought some terribly sad news about George's investments.
{Rising and facing Brian.) The old home will have to be sold up.

Bkian. Good. Then youi uncle won't mind your marrying me.

Dinah [by table above settee b.). Tea, darling, bnt you must be
more dramatic about it than that. " Oeorge," you must say, with
tears in your eyes, " I cannot pay off the whole of the mortgage for
you. I have only two and ainepence ; but at least let me take your
niece oS your hands," Then George will (hiUing him on the shoulder)
thump you on the back and say gruffly (crossing to l.), " You're a
good fellow, Brian, a damn good fellow," and he'll blow his nose very
loudly, and say, " Confound this cigar, it won't draw properly."

Brian (risiiig and crossing to Dinah). Dinah, you're a heavenly
.{diot. And you've simply got to marry me, uncles or no unclea.

DmAH. Hush I (She takes his hand and they sit on settee l., hiding
from others at back). It will have to be " uncles," I'm afraid, be-
muBA, you aee, I'm his ward, and I can get sent to Chancery or
oovent^ or iomewbero beastly, if I marry without his conaent.
^ven't you got anybodv who objects to your marrying nw 1

Bbiab, Nobody, thank Heaven.

DiVAH. ^011, that'i rallur disappointing of you, I law myielf

AoBiL] MR. PDf PASSES BT. 81

fascinatmg yoar aged father at the same time that you were fascin-
ating George. I should have, done it much better than you. As
« Gteorge-fascinator you aren't very successful, sweetheart.

Bbian {hissing her hand). What am I like as a Dinah-fascinatoi f

Dinah. Plus six, darling.

Brian. Then I'll stick to that and leave Oeorge to Olivia.

Dinah. I expect she'll manage him all right. I have great faith
in Olivia. But you'll marry me, anyhow, won't you, Brian t

Brian. I will.

Dinah. Even if we have to wait till I'm twenty-one t

Brian. Even if we have to wait till you're fifty-one.

Dinah {holding out her hands to him). Darling 1

Brian {uneasUy). I say, don't do that.

Dinah. Why not ?

Brian. Well, I promised I wouldn't kiss you.

Dinah. Oh I {Rising and crossing to o., toatching the others at
haek). Well, you might just send me a kiss. You can look the
other way as if you didn't know I was here.

Brian. Like this !

{He loots theother icay, hisses ihe tips of his fingers, andflichs U oa/re-
lessly in her direetion. She prdends to catch U^ hissing her own
hands.)

Dinah. That was a lovely one. Now here's one coming for
joo.

She throws him a hiss. He catches it gracefutty and conveys it to

his mouth,)

Brian {rising, and with a low bow). Madam, I thank you.
Dinah {curtsying). Your servant, Mr. Strange.
Olivia {rising from outside). Dinah !

Dinah (jumping up). Hullo 1 {Moving quicUy to piano, plays
"" Mickey,'')

(Brian throws away his cigarette and walks to L.)

(Olivia comes in through the window up l., foUowed by Oeorge and
Ladt Mardbn, the latter a vigorous young woman of sixty odd, who
always looks as if she were beagling.)

OuviA {coming down to Dinah above piano). Aunt Julia wants
to see the pigs, dear. I wish you'd take her down. I'm rather
tired, and your uncle has some business to attend to.

(OiOBOB sits in chair up a in front of writing-toNe.)

Lady Mardbn {mofring down o.). I've always said that yon doa*l
take enough exercise, Olivia. {Turning to others.) Look at me—
rizty-five and proud of it. {Ooes up b. and takes up gloves and
fU m g^hipfmn wriUng-iable.)

a little

1

M MB. Pm PASSES BY. [Aci^^

Oiiivu {taking 00 her coatee). Tea, Aunt Julia, yon're voaderfiiL
Ddiab. How old would Olivia be if she took exercise t

(Olitu. smiling,bTit vnth an admonishing took at Dim ah, comei up r,

and places her coatee on balustrade.)
' GcOROE (from up 0.). Don't fool about askiiig aillj queatioos,
Dinah. Your aunt hasn't much time.

Bbiak. May I come, too. Lady Maiden 1

Lady Makdem [coming down centre to BsLUf). Well, a little
sxerciae wouldn't do you anj bann, Mi. Stiange. You're an a " '
ain't yott !

(Dinah stops playiTtg.)

Bbiah. Well, I try to paint.

DiKAH (rises and moves to a.c). He Bold a picture last March
for

Geobqk. Yes, yes, never mind that now.
, Ladt Maedek. Yea, unhealthy life. {Going to r. of writing-
lable and crossing at back, tarm to Dinah and Bkian.) Well, oome
along.

(She strides ovt up I.., foUowed hy Dinah and Bbian, wAo upset
Georqe's papers on writing-table as they go. Olivia takes the
curtains and u/orkbox from 0. cupboard of cabinet and comes
down L.)
Qbosob [looking up and seeing Ouru). Really, OlivU, waVe

got something moie important, more vital to us than curtains, to

discuss, now that we are alone at last.
Olivia. I wasn't going tc discuss them, deai. (Sils.)
Oeoiuie. Of course, I'm always glad to see Aunt Julia in my

house, but I wish she hadn't chosen this day of all days to oome to

Olivia. It waau't Aunt Julia's fault. It was really Mi. Pirn
who chose the wiong day.

Gkorqe (fiercely and rising). Good heavens, is it true 1

Olivia. About Jacob Telworthy !

Geoboe. You told me be was dead. (Moving down t* h. o/
L.c. table.) You always said that he was dead.

Olivia. Well, I always thought that he was dead. He was as
dead as anybody could be. All the papers said he was dead.

Geobqk (soomfuUy). The papeis I {Crossing up to smoking-tat>U
for kit jnpe.)

Olivia (as if this would sal'', ll /^ GEoRaK). The Times said h«
was dead. There was a paragiaph a.,oui, him. Appaiently evao laa
death was fraudulent.

Geoboe (coming dovn o.}. Yes. yea, I'm not blaming yos,
Olivia, but what are we going to do, that's the question, what aca
va goinj; to do I My God, it's horrible I {Omnng to fir*placa.)

Aorn.] MR. FBI PASSES BT.

Ton'ye never been married to me at all 1 Yon don't seem to
understand.

Olivia. It is a little difficult to realise. You see, it doesn't seem
to have made any difference to onr happiness.

GsoBaB. No, that's what's so terrible. (Olivia looks up tut"
prised.) I mean — ^well, of course, we were quite innocent in the
matter. {Sits in armchair down L.) But, at the same time,
nothing can get over the fact that we — ^we had no right to — ^to be
happy.

Olivia. Would you rather we had been miserable !

Oeorqb. You're Telworthy's wife, that's what you don't seem
to imderstand. You're Telworthy's wife. You — er — forgive me,
Olivia, but it's the horrible truth — ^you committed bigamy when you
married me. (In horror^ going up l.) Bigamy I (Coming round
to o.)

Olivia. It is an ugly word, isn't it ?

Oeobob. Yes, but you don't understand. {Coming quickly
doum 0., sits on stool l.c., facing her.) Look here, Olivia, old girl, the
whole thing is nonsense, eh ? It isn't your husband, it's some other
Telworthy that this fellow met. That's right, isn't it ? Some other
shady swindler who turned up on the boat, eh ? This sort of thing
doesn't happen to people like us — committing bigamy and all that.
Some other fellow.

Olivia (shaking her head). 1 knew all the shady swindlers in
Sydney. . . . They came to dinner. • • • There were no others
called Telworthy.

Oeorob (rising urUh gesture of despair). Well, what are we going
to dot

Olivia. You sent Mr. Pim away so quickly. He might have
told us things. Telworthy's plans. Where he is now. You hurried
him away so quickly.

OBOBaB. I've sent a note round to ask him to come back. My
one idea at the moment was to get him out of the house — to hush
things up. (Going up to utriting-tahle,)

Olivia. You can't hush up two husbands.

Gboboe (in despair). You can't. (Sits at writing-table.) Every-
body will know. Everybody 1

Olivia. The children, Aunt Julia, they may as well know now
as later. Mr. Pim must, of course.

Oeobgb. I do not propose to discuss my private afiairs with
Mr. Pim

Olivia. But he's mixed himself up in them rather, hasn't he,
and if you're going to ask him questions

Georqe. I only propose to ask him one question. I shall ask
him if he is absolutely certain of this fellow's name. I can do
that quite easily without letting him know the reason for my
inquiry.

Olivia. You couldn't make a mistake about a name like

o

HR Pm PASSES BT. (Aoc i£

Telworthy. But he might tell ob aometbing about Telworthy's plana.
Perhaps he's going buck to Australia at once. Perhaps he thiska
I'm detid, too. Perhaps — oh, theie ate bo many things I want to

Geobqe. Yea, yes, d.^r. It would be interesting to — that is, ona
naturally wants to know these things, but of course it doesn't maJu
Sny real diSerence.

Olivia (surpriied). No diflerence 1

Geokoe {rising and coming down to iock of seliee L.), Well, that
is to Bay, you're as much his wife if he's in Austraha as you ore if
he's in England.

Olivia. I am not his wife at all. (Shaking her head.) Jacob
Telworthy may be alive, but I am not his wife. I ceased to be his
wife when I became youi^.

Georqe. You never were my wife. (Annoyed and crossing to B.
and back again to L.o.) That is the terrible part of it. Our union —
you make me eay it, Olivia — has been unhallowed by the Church.
Unhallowed even by the Law. Legally, we have been living in —
living in — well, the point is, how does the Law at^nd ! I imagine
that Telworthy could get a — a divorce. . . . Oh, it seems impossibla
that things like this can be happening to u». {Going up o.)

Ouvu. A divorce ?

Oeoros. I — I imagine so.

Olivu. But then we could reaUy get married, and we shouldn't
be living in— living in — whatever we were living in before.

Qeokge (coming down to b. of IaW« L.C.). I can't understand
you, Ohvia. You talk about it so calmly, as if there was nothing
blameworthy in being divorced.

Olivia. Yes, but

Georqk. As if there was nothing unusual in my marrying ft
divorced woman.

Olivia. Yes, but —

QEosaa. As if there was nothing wrong in oui having lived
together for years without having been married.

Olivia {placing her hands on labJe). What seems wrong to ms
is that I lived for five years with a bad man whom I hated.
What seems right to me is that I lived for five years with a
good man whom I love.

GsoROE (taking and patting her hands affectionately). Yea, yea,
my dear, I know. (Drops her hand« and moves to o.) But right
and wrong don't settle themselves aa easily as that. We've been
living together when you were Telworthy's wife. That's wrong.

Olivia. Do you mean wicked t

Gkorhe. Well, no doubt th« Court would consider that we acted
b perfect innocence

Olivu,. What Court !

Georoe. Well, you see, my dear, these things have to be don*
U^y, of course. (Moving (o b. to tettse, thinking it out.) I beliera

4

{

Act n.] MB. PIM PASSES BY. 36

the proper method is a nullity suit, declaring our marriage null and
— er — ^void. It would, so to speak, wipe out these years of — er—
{Moving hack to o.)

Olivia. Wickeduess !

Geobqb. Of irregalar union, and- — er — ^thcn

Olivia. Then I could go back to Jacob. • • • Do you really
mean that, George ?

Oeoroe {uneasily). Well, dear, you see — that's how things are
—one can't get away from — er

Olivia. What you feel is that Telworthy has the greater claim t
Ton are prepared to— make way for him ?

Oeobgis. Both the Church and the Law would say that I had
no claim at all, I'm afraid. I — I suppose I haven't.

Olivia. I see. {8he looks at him curiously,) Thank you for
making it so clear, George.

Oeobge. Of course, whether or not yoa go back to— er — ^Tel-
worthy is another matter altogether. {Crossing to fireplace,) That
would naturally be for you to decide.

Olivia {cheerfully). For me and Jacko to decide.

Obobob. Er— Jacko %

Olivia. I used to call my first husband — ^I mean my only husband
— Jacko. I didn't like the name of Jacob, and Jacko seemed to
suit him somehow. {Enjoying the joke,) He had very long arms.
(Qeobqe is very annoyed.) Poor Jacko.

Obobob {annoyei). Ton don't seem to realize that this is not a
Joke, Olivia.

QuviA {stiU unrnsei). It may not be a joke, but it is funny,
inti'tit!

Obobob. I must say I don't see anything funny in a tragedy that
has wrecked two lives.

Olivia. Two! Oh, but Jacko's life isn't wrecked. It has
just been miraculously restored to him. And a wife, too. There's
nothing tragic for Jacko in it.

Obobob {stiffly), I was referring to our two lives — yours and
mine.

OuviA. Tours, (Jeorge! Tour life isn't wrecked. The Court
will absolve you of all blame ; your friends will sympathize with
you, and tell you that I was a designing woman who deliberately
took you in ; your Aunt Julia

George {overwrought). Stop it I {Crossing over to her.) What
do you mean ? Have you no heart t (Olivia gives a little hurt
cry,) Do you thiwk I want to lose you, Olivia ? {Sits on her l.)
Do you thmk I want my home broken up like this ! Haven't you
been happy with me these last five years ?

Olivia. Very happy.

Geobob. Well then, how can you talk like that!

Olivia. But you want to send me away.

Qbobob. There you go again. I don't want to. I have hardly

MR PDf PASSES BY. [Act n.

had time to realize just what it will mean to me when you go. The
fact is I simply daren't realize it. I daren't think about it.

Olivia. T^ thinking about it, George.

Oeobob. And you talk as if I want^ to send you away I

Olivia. Try thinking about it, Oeorge.

Oeosob. You don't seem to understand that I'm not sending
you away. You simply aren't mine to keep.

Olivia. Whose am II

George (dubiously). Your husband's. Telworthy's.

Olivia {gently). U I belong to anybody but myself, I think I
belong to you.

Geobge. Not in the eyes of the Law. Not in the ejea of the
Church. Not even in the eyes of— er

Olivia. The County ?

George (annoyed). I was about to say " Heaven.**

Olivia. Oh 1

George (rising and crossing below Olivia to c). That this should
happen to us I

(Olivia works in silence. Then she shakes out her curtains.)

Olivia (looking oi tAem). I do hope Jacko will like these.

George (tui7itn^an(^566in^curtam5). What I You (Going

up to her quickly and taking her by the hands raises her from the settee.)
Olivia, Olivia, have you no heart?

Olivia. Ought you to talk like that to another man's wife t

George. Confound it, is this just a joke to you ?

Olivia. You must forgive me, George; I am a little over-
excited — at the thought of returning to Jacob.

George. Do you u^nt to return to him ?

Olivia. One wants to do what is right. In the eyes of — er —
Heaven.

George. Seeing what sort of a man he is, I have no doubt
that you could get a separation, supposing that he didn't— er— divorce
you. I don't know what is best. I must consult my solicitor.
The whole position has been spnmg on us, and — (miserably sits on
stool L.C.) I don't know, I don't know. I can't take it all in. (Lean^
ing forward and burying his face in his hands,)

Olivia. Wouldn't you like to consult your Aunt Julia too?
She could tell you what the County — I mean what Heaven really
thought about it.

George. Yes, yes. Aunt Julia has plenty of common sense.
You're quite right, Olivia. This isn't a thing we can keep from the
family.

Olivia. Do I still call her AurU Julia ?

(Aknb comes in from staircase up B. George does not see her, bu$

Olivia attracts his attention,)

Oeorgb (looking up oi Olivia). What ? What ? {fiisimg and
crossing up to AimB.) Well, what is it t

Act n.] MR. PDf PASSES BY. 87

Anne. Mr. Pim Bays he will come down at onoe, dr.
Oeoboe. Oh, thank you, thank you.

(OuviA picks up curtains. Anns goes out up staircase up B.)

Olivia. Qeorge, Mr. Pim has got to know.

George. I don't see the necessity.

Olivia. Not even for me ? When a woman suddenly heart
that her long-lost husband is restored to her, don't you think she
wants to ask questions ? Where is he living, and how is he looking,
and

George {very angry, going to writing'tdblef sits). Of course,
if you are interested in these things

Olivia. How can I help being? Don't be so silly, George.
{Moves up to R. of George unik the curtains on her arm,) We must
know what Jacko

George (annoyed). I wish you wouldn't call him by thatridicu-
k>us name.

Olivia. My husband

George (wincing). Yes, well — your husband t

Olivia. Well, we must know his plans — where we can comr
municate with him, and so on.

George. I have no wish to communicate with him.

Olivia. I'm afraid you'll have to, dear.

George. I don't see the necessity.

Olivia. Well, you'll want to — ^to apologize to him for living with
his wife for so long. (George looks up and round at her nonplussed).
And as I belong to him, he ought to be told where he can — call
for me.

George (after a struggle and scratching his head). You put it in
a very peculiar way, but I see your point. (Wilh a shudder,) Oh,
the horrible publicity of it all 1 (Turns away and leans on writing"
table)

Olivia (going up to him and comforting him, placing her hands on
his shoulders). Poor George. Dear, don't think I don't sympathize
with you. I understand so exactly what you are feeling. The
publicity 1 It's terrible.

George (miserably and turning in his chair to her). I want to do
what's right. You believe that, don't you t

Olivia. Of course I do. (Taking her hands auxiy) It's only
that we don't quite agree as to what is right and what is wrong.

George. It isn't a question of agreeing. Right is right, and
wrong is wrong, all the world over.

Olivia (with a sad little smile). But more particularly in Bucking-
hamshire, I think.

George. If I only considered myself, I should say : ** Let us
paok this man Telworthy back to Australia. He would make no
ilakn He would accept money to go away and say nothing abonl

88 IBfR. PIM PASSES BY. [Acv H.

it." If I oonsulted simply my own happiness, Olivia, that is what
I should say. But when I consult — e r

Olivia (with great feehng), Minet

George. My conscience

Olivia (disappointed). Oh !

Oeobgb. Then I can't do it. (Rises aM is going up L.) It's
wrong.

Olivia (making her first appeal). Yes ; but^ Oeorge, don't you
think I'm worth a little

Oeobge (tiifning round, seeing Dinah coming). H'sh 1 Dinah I
(Moves back to umtvug-taUe. Loudly for Dinah's benefit.) Well,
then I'll write to him and Ah, Dinah, where's Aunt Julia ?

Dinah (coming in from up l.). We've seen the pigs, and now
she's discussing the Art of Landseer with Brian. (Crossing in front
of writing-table to Olivia.) I just came to ask

Olivia. Dinah, dear, bring Aunt Julia here. And Brian too.
We have things we want to talk about with you alL

Dinah. Right-o ! (Moves back up l.)

Obosge (outraged). Olivia!

Dinah (turning on terrace). What funt

(Olivia goes to table l.o. and picks up her work-box. Exit Dinah l.)

Obosoe. Olivia, you don't seriously suggest that we should
discuss these things with a child like Dinah and a young man like
Strange, a mere acquaintance.

OuviA. Dinah will have to know. I'm very fond of her, (George.
You can't send me away without telling Dinah. And Brian is my
friend. (Moving to cabinet, puts curtains and work-box on top of
cabinet.) You have your solicitor and your aunt and your conscience
to consult — ^mayn't I even have Brian t

Geoboe (forgetting) . I should have thought that your husband — 7-

Olivia (coming down to l. back end of settee l.). Yes, but we
don't know where Jacko is.

George. I was not referring to — er — Telworthy.

Olivia.. Well then ?

Georob. Oh, of course — ^You — ^naturally I Oh, this is

horrible 1 (Sits with his face in his hands at writing^ble.)

(Olivia is about to speak to him as Ladt Mabden enters from up l.
Ladt Harden looks at Georqe, then moves doum to centre.
Dinah follows and comes to l. back end of settee. Brian foUows
Dinah and comes to back of table l.o. Olivia moves round to l.
end of settee L.)

Olivia (after a pause). George and I have had some rather bad

news, Aunt Julia. We wanted your advice. Where will you sit ?

Lady Harden. Thank you, Olivia. I can sit down by mysell

(She does so, on lower end of settee B., moving cushion away.)

Aoi n.] MR. PIM PASSES BT. M

Olivia {to Dinah). Ton sit there, my darling.

(Dinah sUs in amhchair down l. and Olivia on settee L. There U a
good pause. All are looking very uncomfortable,)

Lady Harden. WeU, what is it t

(Another pause. All are still looking very uneomfortaibh.)

Honejf I suppose; nobody's safe nowadays.

{There is another good pause. George looks up hopelessly at Ladt
Harden. Brian moves up inquisitively towards Oeoroe, who turns
and gradually raising his head catches sight of Brian and gives him
a severe look and Brian retreats quickly to hack of L.o. table.)

Qeorqb {signalling for help). Olivia

Olivia (after a pause). We've just heard that my fizit husband is
■tin alive.

Dinah. Telworthy f

Brian. Good Lord t

Lady Harden. (George f

Dinah (excitedly). And only this morning I was saying that
nothing ever happened in this house 1 {Rising from arm-chair and
sitting to l. ofOhivuL and remorsefully to her.) Darling, I don't mean
that. Darlmg one 1

Lady Harden. What does this mean, George? I leave you
for ten minutes — ^barely ten minutes — to go and look at the pigs,
and when I come back you tell me that Olivia ia a bigamist.

(Dinah jumps up and moves to L. of settee l.)

Brian (indignantly advancing towards Lady Harden). I say

Olivia (restraining him). H'sh I

Brian (to Olivia and taking her hand across table l.c.). If this
li a row, I'm on your side.

Lady Harden. Well, George!

George (rising and coming down to Lady Harden). I'm afraid
it's true, Aunt Julia. (Taking stool from l.o. to c, sits on it. Dinah
sits in arm-chair down l.) We heard the news just before lunch —
just before you came. We've only this moment had an opportunity
of talking about it, of wondering what to do.

Lady Harden. What was his name — Tel — something-^—

Olivia. Jacob Telworthy.

Lady Harden (in amazement). So he's alive still ?

George. Apparently. There seems to be no doubt about it.

Lady Harden (to Olivia). Didn't you see him die ? I should
always want to see my husband die before I married again. Not
that I approve of second marriages, anyhow. I told you so at the
time, George.

Olivia. And me. Aunt Julia.

Ladt Harden. Did 1 1 Well, I generaDy say what I think.

40 MR. FIM PASSES BY. [Ao n.

George. I ought to teQ you, Aunt Julia, that no blame attaches
to Olivia over thia. Of that I am perfectly satisfied. It's nobody's
fault, except

Ladt Marden. Except Telworthy's. He seems to have been
rather careless. Well, what are you going to do about it 1

Oeoboe. That's just it. It's a terrible situation. {WUh a
gesture of desjMtr.) There's bound to be so much publicity. Not
only all this, but-— but Telworthy's past.

Lady Harden. I should have said that it was Telworthy's
present which was the trouble. Had he a past as well ?

Olivia. He was a fraudulent company promoter. He went to
prison a good deal.

{General conHematian. Brian gives a long whistle and goes tip.)

Ladt Marden. George, you never told me this I

George. I — er

Olivia. I don't see why he should want to talk about it.

Dinah {indignantly rising and moving to l. end of settee L.). What's
It got to do with Olivia, anyhow 1 It's not her fault.

Ladt Harden {sarcasticaUy and emphatically). Oh, no, I dare say
it's mine.

{There is an uncomfortable pause.)

Olivia {to George). Tou wanted to ask Aunt Julia what was
the right thing to do.

Brian {crossing down L.o. and bursting out). Good Heavens, what
is there to do except the one and only tlung ? {They all look at
him and he becomes embarrass^ and hacks up stage a little,) I'm
sorry. You don't want me to

Olivia {taking his hand across table l.o.). / do, Brian.

Ladt Marden. Well, go on, Mr. Strange. What would you
do in George's position t

Brian {crosses dovm to hack of table l.c). Do t Say to the
woman I loved, '' You're mine Q)angs table with his fist), and let this
other damned fellow come and take you from me if he can 1 " And
he couldn't — ^how could he 1 — ^not if the woman chose me.

(Ladt Marden gazes at Brian in amazement^ George in anger,
Olivia presses his hand gratefully. He has said what she has been
waiting — oh, so eagerly — for George to say, George rises and
goes angrily up to Brian, who defies him, George is stibdued
and moves helplessly up c. followed by Brian, who is still defiant,
Dinah rises and runs up L. and round back of settee l. and up to
left of Brian and takes his arm.)

Dinah {adoringly). Oh, Brian t {In a loud whisper.) It is me»
isn't it, and not Olivia t
BiOAN. You baby, of course I
Ladt Marden. I'm afraid, Mr. Strange (Dinah with an exdamth

Aov n.] MR PIM PASSES BY. 41

turn of annoyance comes down to l. of settee L.), youi morals are as
peculiar as your views on Art.

Bbian {down to hack of table L.O.). This is not a question of
morals or of art, it's a question of love.

Dinah. Hear, hear !

Lady Mabden (to Oeoboe). Isn't it that girl's bed-time yet t

Olivia (to Dinah and taking her hand). We'll let her sit up a
little longer if she's good.

Dinah. I will be good, Olivia {aggressively to Lady Mabden),
only I thought anybody, however important a debate was, was
allowed to say *' Hear, hear 1 "

Oeobob {coming down c). Really, Olivia, I really think we
could discuss this better if Mr. Strange took Dinah out for a walk.
Strange, if you — er

Olivia. Tell them what you have settled first, Oeorge.

Lady Mabden. Settled? What is there to be sealed t It
settles itself.

Geoboe {sadly). That's just it.

Lady Mabden. The marriage must be annulled — ^is that the
word, Oeorge?

Oeoboe. I presume so. {Site on stool 0.)

Lady Mabden. One's sohcitor will know all about that, of
course.

Bbian. And when the marriage has been annulled, what then ?

Lady Mabden. Presumably Olivia will return to her husband.

Bbian {bitterly to Lady Mabden). And that's morality 1 As
expounded by Bishop Landseer I

Geobge {angered^ rising and facing Bbian). I don't know what
you mean by Bishop Landseer. Morality is acting in accordance
with the Laws of the Land and the Laws of the Church. I am
quite prepared to believe that your creed embraces neither marriage
(Dinah gives a Uule cry and bangs a cushion on settee angrily) nor
monogamy, but my creed is different.

Bbian {fiercely). My creed includes both marriage and mono-
gamy, and monogamy means sticking to the woman you love, as
long as she wants you.

Lady Mabden {cahnly), Tou suggest that Oeorge and Olivia
should go on living together, although they have never been legally
married. Bless the man, what do you think the County would say ?

Bbian {scornfully). Does it matter ?

Dinah. Well, if you really want to know, the men would say,
*' Gad, she's a fine woman ; I don't wonder he sticks to her," and
the women would say, '' I can't think what he sees in her to stick
to her like that," and they'd both say, " After all,^ he may be a
damn fool, but you can't deny he's a sportsman."

(Lady Mabden is very indignant,)
Geoboe {indignantly). Was it for this sort of thing, Olivia, that

42 MR. Pm PASSES BT. [Aov IL

you insisted on having Dinah and Mr. Strange in here t To insult
me in my own house ?

Lady Mabden. I can't think what young people are coming to
nowadays.

Olivia. I think, deai, you and Brian had better go.

Dinah {getting up). We wiU go. {Crossing bdaw Olivia and
putting her knee on stool and looking cheekily up into Oeorob's face.)
But I'm just going to say one thmg, Uncle George. Brian and I
are going to marry each other, and when we are married we'll stick
to each other, howet;ef many of our dead husbands and wives turn
up 1 Come on, Brian. {She goes up o. and through window and
goes out indignantly, follotoed by Bbian b.)

(Oeoboe follows them up.)

Oeobob. Upon my word, this b a pleasant discussion.

Olivia. I think the discussion is over, Gteorge. It is only a
question of where I shall go, while you are bringing your — ^what
sort of suit did you call it t

Lady Mabden {to Obobob). Nullity suit. I suppose that is
the best thing ?

Geobge. It's horrible. {Moving down between stool and Lady
Mabden.) The awful publicity. That it should be happening to
us, that's what I can't get over.

Lady Mabden. I don't remember anything of the sort in the
Marden Family before, ever.

Geobge {absently). Lady Fanny.

Lady Mabden {recollecting). Yes, of course ; but that was two
hundred years ago. The standards were difierent then. {Rising
and going up c. to B.) Besides, it wasn't quite the same, anyhow.

Geobge {absently). No, it wasn't quite the same.

Lady Mabden (b. of writing-table). No. We shall all feel it.
Terribly.

. Geobge {his apology). If there were any other way! Olivia,
what can I do ? It is the only way, isn't it ? All that that fellow
said — of course, it sounds very well — but as things are. . . . {Cross^
ing towards Olivia.) Is there anything in marriage, or isn't there t
You believe that there is, don't you ? You aren't one of these
Socialists. Well, then, ca7i we go on living together when you're
another man's wife ? It isn't only what people will say, but it is
wrong, isn't it ? . . . And supposing he doesn't divorce you, are
we to go on living together, unmarried, for ever ? (Lady Mabden
turns and listens.) Olivia, you seem to think that I'm just thinking
of the publicity — what people will say. I'm not. I'm not. That
comes in any way. But I want to do what's right, what's best.
I don't mean what's best for us, what makes us happiest, I mean
what's really best, what's rightest. What; anybody else would do
in my place. (Olivia holds out her hands lovingly towards him.) I
don't know. It's so unfair. You're not my wife at all, but I want

Act IL] MR. PIM PASSES BT. 4S

to do what's right. . . . {Sits foot of table L.o.) Oil, Olivia, Olivia,
you do xmderBtand, don't 70a t

(TJiey have both forgotten Lady Mabden. Olivia has never taken
her eyes off him as he makes his last attempt to convince himself.)

Olivia {almost tenderly). So very, very well, George. Oh, I
understand just what you are feeling. And oh, I do so wish that
you could — {with a little sigh) — but then it wouldn't be George, not
the George I married — {unth a rueful little laugh) — or didn't quite
marry.

Lady Mabden. I must say, I think you are both talking a little
wildly.

Olivia {repeating it^ oh^ so tenderly). Or didn't — quite — marry.

{She looks at him with aU her heart in her eyes. She is giving him
his last chance to say " Damn Telworthy ; you're mine I " He
rises and crosses to tk. He struggles desperately with himself ,
turns to Olivia.)

Oeobob. Olivia I Olivia I My darling I

{/She rises. He crosses to her and takes her in his arms.)

(Anne enters from double doors b.)

Anns. Mr. Pirn is here, sir.

Olivia {prompting him). Mr. Pim, dear,

Oeobob {emerging from the struggle with an effort). Pim t Pim t
Oh, ah, yes, of course. {Crossing up to Anne.) Mr. Pim. {Looking
up.) Where have you put him ?

Olivia. I want to see Mr. Pim, too, George.

Lady Mabden {coming down 0. to B. of table l.o.). Who on earth
is Mr. Pim?

Olivia. Show him in here, Anne. (Geoboe comes back to 0.)

Anne. Tes, madam.

{She goes out double doors b.)

Olivia. It was Mr. Pim who told us about my husband. He
oame across with him in the boat, and recognized him as the
Telworthy he knew in Australia.

Lady Mabden. Oh ! Shall I be in the way ? {Moving dawn

to B.C.)

Geobgb. No, no. It doesn't matter, does it, Olivia!
OuviA. Please stay.

(Lady Mabden sUs b. settee.)

(Anne enters at double doors followed by Mb. Pim.)

Anne. Mr. Pim.

Geoboe {puUing himself together). Ah, Mr. Piml Tory good
ef you to have come.

44 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act II.

Pnc. Oh, not at all I

Geobgb. The fact is — er {It is too much for him ; he looks

despairingly cU Olivia.)

Olivia. We're so sorry to trouble you, Mr. Pirn. By th»
way, do you know Lady Marden ?

PiM (centre). No, I haven't the honour.

Geobos {vrUrodudng). My Aunt 1 Mr. Pirn.

(Mb. Pm and Lady Mabden bow to each other.)

Olivia. Do oome and sit down, won't you ? (Pim is moving
to l., turns and bumfs into Geobge, tpho is following him. She
makes room for him on the sofa next to her.) The fact is, Mr.
Pun, you gave us rather a surprise this morning, and before
we had time to realize what it aU meant, you had gone.

Pim. a surprise, Mrs. Marden % Dear me, not an unpleasant
one, I hope?

Olivia. Well, rather a — surprising one. (Lady Mabden eoughe.)

(Pim sits to b. of Olivia, who takes his hat and places U to her is.)

Geobob (turns to Lady Mabden). Olivia, allow me a moment,
lir. Pim, you mentioned a man called Telworthy this morning.
My wife used to (Lady Mabden gives a pronounced cough) — ^that
is to say, I used to— that is, there are reasons

Olivia. I think we had better be perfectly frank, George.

Lady Mabden (aggressively). I am sixty-five years of age, Mr.
Pim, and I can say that I've never had a moment's uneasiness by
{beating her knee mthher hand^ stidt in left hand) telling the truth.

(Pm and Lady Mabden fix each other with a look. Pnc then looks
at Olivia and Geoboe and leans back on settee.)

' Pim {after a desperate effort to keep up with the conversation).
Oh ! . . . I — er — I'm afraid I am rather at sea. Have I — er —
left anything unsaid in presenting my credentials to you this
morning ?

George'j
and > Oh, not

Olivia.)

Pim. This Telworthy whom you mention — I seem to remember
the name

Olivia. Mr. Pim, you told us this morning of a man whom you
had met on the boat, a man who had come down in the world, whom
you had known in Sydney. A man called Telworthy.

PiM (relieved). Ah, yes, yes, of course. (To Olivia.) I did
say Telworthy, didn't 1 1 Most curious coincidence. Lady Marden.
Poor man, poor man I Let me see. it must have been ten years

Ago

i Geobge. Just a moment^ Mr. Pim. Tou'ie quite sure that his
name was Telworthy t

Aof n.] MR. Pm PASSES BY. 45

Pm {to Georqe). Telworthy—Telwortliy— didn't I say Tel-
worthy t Yes, that was it— Telworthy. Poor fellow !
Olivia. I'm going to be perfectly frank with you, Mr. Pirn. I

feel quite sure that I can trust you.

FiM. Oh, Mrs. Marden!

Olivia. This man Telworthy whom you met is my husband.

Pnc. Youi husband t {He looks in mild surprise at Geobgb.)
Your — er

Olivia. My first husband. His death was announced six years
ago. I had left him some years before that, but there seems no
doubt from youx story that he's still alive. His record — the country
he comes from — ^above all, the very imusual name — Telworthy.

Pdi. Telworthy — ^yes — certainly a most peculiar name. I
remember saying so. Your first husband ? Dear me ! Dear me 1
' Oeoboe. You understand, Mr. Pim, that all this is in absolute
oonfidence.

Pdi {turning to Oboroe). Of course, of course.

Olivia {pulling his arm, trying to attract his attention). Well, since
he is my husband, we naturally want to know something about him.
Where is he now, for instance ?

Pim {surprised and turning to Olivia). Where is he nowt
But surely I told you ! I told you what happened at Marseilles t

Oeoroe. At Marseilles ?

Pm {to Oeoboe). Yes, yes, poor fellow, it was most unfortunate.
{To Lady Mabdbn. Olivia again pulls his arm, trying to attract
his attention.) You must understand. Lady Marden, that although
I had met the poor fellow before in Australia, I was never in any way
intimate

Oeobob {thumping the desk). Where is he now, that's what we
want to know I

(Mb. Pim twms to him with a start.)

OuviA. Please, Mr. Pim!

Pim {to Olivia). Where is he now ! But — ^but didn't I tell you
of the curious fatality at Marseilles — poor fellow — ^the fiBh-bone ?

All. Fish-bone ?

Pim. Yes, yes, a herring, I understand.

Olivia {becoming hysterical). Do you mean he's dead t

Pm. Dead — of course he's dead. He's been dead

Olivia {laughing hysterically). Oh, Mr. Pim, you — oh, what a
husband to have — oh, I——- {But that is aU she can say for the
moment.)

Lady Marden. Pull yourself together, Olivia. {To Pm.) So he
really is dead this time ?

Pm. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged in
his throat.

(Lady Mabdbn retreats to settee B. again.)

40 MR PIM PASSES BT. [Aov IL

OEOBas {moving up o. to l. windowt trying to realise U). Dead I
Dead!

Pm {rising and turning to Olivia, alarmed at her hysteria)* Oh,
but, Mrs. Marden!

Olivia. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pirn. {Crossing to o.)
But a herring ! There's something about a herring

(Oeoboe comes quickly to her, very concerned.)

(PiM %8 also very concerned.)

{Turning to Oeorgb.) Oh, George I {Shaking her head in a weak
elate of laughter, turns to B. and is about to hurry out of the room
towards staircase b.)

Quick Cubtadi,

ACT m

s. — The same and fumtlure exactly as in Act IL

CIMb. Fnc %8 heUm settee l. standing in same jposUion as at ihe end
of Act II. George Mabden is in centre of stage and Ladt
Harden is at foot of staircase. Their attitude is the same as
at the end of Act II, and aU are concerned about Oliyia's
hysteria.)

Oborob. Dead 1 Dead I

FiM. Oh dear! Oh dear I I'm afraid I broke the news
Mther hastily. The double shock of losing one husband and being
restored to another

Lady Marden (comin>g to George). A dispensation of Provi-
dence, George. One can regard it in no other light. (Moves
to R. of writing-tdble.)

George (coming to Pm). Yes 1 Yes 1 WeU, I'm much obliged
to you, Mr. Pim, for having come down to us this afternoon, and

Su understand that your news, though tardy, has been very welcome.
MortuiSy and so forth.

(Lady Marden crosses ait look of writing-table to L.)

Pim {sadly repeating). De Mortuis

George (shaking hands — anxious to get rid of him). WeU, good-bye^
and again our thanks.

(Crosses below and to L. of Pm and rings bell bdow fireplace.)

Pim (crossing to centre). Not at all. I shouldn't have broken
the news so hastily. (Catches sight of Lady Marden up l., and
with a profound bow.) Qood-hje, Lady Marden.

Lady Marden (equally profound). Good-bye, Mr. Pim.

Pim. I'm afraid I broke the news too hastily. (Goes to table
B.C. and takes up George's cap in mistake for his hat and is moving
towards double-doors when George, noting this, picks up Pim's hat
from L. of stage where it has been left from previous Act, and crosses
with it to Pim.)

George. Mr. Pim, excuse me, but I think this is yours.

Pim (he takes it and looks at it closely , comparing it with the cap).
This isn't my hat at all. (Puts Georgb's cap down en table again.)

47

48 MR Pm PASSES BT. [Aor Ul.

No, that isn't my hat. {Takes his ovon hat from Oeoboe.) This
is my hat. Gk)od-byel (Shakes hands,) Thank you so much.
{Looking at caf on table,) Oh, no I Oh, no I {Moves nearer to door
B.) Telworthy • • • I think that was the name.

{Exit doors r.)

(Ladt Mabdbn, annoyed at Pim's stupidity, comes down to L. of

Gbobge.)

Oeobge {turning to Lady Harden and with a sigh of thankfulness).
Well, this is wonderful news. Aunt Julia.

Lady Harden. Most providential. Well, I must be getting
along now, George. Say good-bye to Olivia for me.

George {crossing towards doulikrdoors as if to of en them). Good-
bye, Aimt Julia.

Lady Harden. No ! No I I'll go this way — {going up to l. of
writing-table) — and get Olivia out more, George. I don't like these
hysterics. (Banging writing-table.) Tou want to be firmer with
her.

George. Yes! Yes! Gk)od-bye.

Lady Harden (goin^ off wp l.). Good-bye.

George {Jback again down centre and with great thankfulness).
Dead I Dead I (Moves down to below settee l.)

(Olivia enters from staircase, watching him and coming quietly

to 0.)

George (approaching her enthusiastically). Olivia 1 Olivia ! {Is
about to embrace her, but she restrains him,)

Olivia (drawing herself up). His. Telworthy !

George (taken aback). What ? Olivia I I — I don't imderstand.

Olivia. Well, darling, if my husband only died at Marseilles a
few days ago

George (scratching his head). Yes, I see — ^I see. Well, we can
soon put that right. (Moving to L.) A registry office in London.
Better go up this afternoon. We can't do these things too quickly
— we can stay at an hotel.

Olivia (pointedly). You and His. Telworthy 1 (Moves slowly
round back of settee l.)

(George rmves to centre.)

George (n^onplussed). Oh — er — ^yes — ^yes — perhaps I'd better
itay at my Club—yes 1 It will be a bit awkward at first. (Wdh a
sigh of relief.) However, nobody need know, and how much better
than what we feared !

(Olivia comes down to below settee l.)

Gborob (advancing to embrace her). Olivia 1 Olivia I

(She repulses him and he crosses to her h.)

^Cf9 m.] MR PDI PASSES BT. 40

Olivia, Mrs. Telworthyl
^^jeorqe. Yes — yes, I Imow, but why do you keep on saying it t
^Taat's the matter with you t You're so strange to-day. You're
'^o-t like the Olivia I know.

OuviA {sits on settee to B.). Perhaps you don't know me so very
^11, after all.

CrEOBOE (sitting — affectionately to her l.). Oh, that's nonsense —
^X^ girl. You're just my Olivia. Now we can get married again
^Viietly and nobody will be any the worse.

Olivia. Married again ! Oh, I see, you want me to marry you at
^^ registry office to-morrow 1

George. K we can arrange it by then. {Rising and crossing
^^low Olivia to centre.) I don't know how long these things take,
►lit I should imagine there would be no difficulty.
Olivia. Oh, no, I think that part of it ought to be quite easy.

lut {She hesitates,)

George. But what ?

Olivia. Well, if you want to marry me to-morrow, George,
oughtn't you to propose to me first?
George {amazei). Propose ?

Olivia. Yes. It is usual, isn't it, to propose to a person before
yon marry her t And — and we want to do the usual thing, don't
we!

George {upset). But you — I mean we

Olivia. You are George Marden, I am Olivia Telworthy, you
are attracted by me and think I would make you a good wife, and
you want to marry me — ^very well, then, naturally you propose to
me first.

George {falling into the humour of A, as he thinks^ and with a hearty
laugh moves to below stool L.C.). The baby 1 Did she want to be
proposed to all over again!
Olivia {coyly). Well, she did rather.

George {rather fancying himself as an actor, he adopts what he
considers to he an appropriate attitude). She shall then. Er — ah,
Mrs. Telworthy, I have long admired you in silence, and the time
has now come to put my admiration into words {but apparently he

finds a difficulty)— -et — er

Olivia {looking up at him quizzically and pronvpting him into
words; repealing). I — ^I— {Looking down coyly.) Oh, Mr.
Marden I

(George roars wUh laughter and crosses to centre.)

George {returning to her). Olivia — er — ^may I call you Olivia t
Olivia. Yes, George.

(Olivia puts out her hand and George notices it.)

George. I beg your pardon I Oh, I -see. {Taking her hand in
its he gives it a good slap and she winces.) Olivia, I {Hesitates.)

50 MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Act HI.

Olivia. I don't want to interrupt, but oughtn't you to be on
your knees ? It is — ^usual, I believe.

George. Really, Olivia, you must allow me to manage my own
proposal in my own way.

Olivia {meekly — and resuming her coyness). I'm scrry. Do
go on. .

George. Well — er — confound it, Olivia, I love you. Will you'
many me ?

Olivia, Thank you, (Jeorge, I will think it over,

Georob (laughing). Silly girl. {Pats her on the shoulder and
crosses to b.) Well, then, to morrow morning. No wedding cake,
I'm afraid, Olivia. {He laughs again and moves up centre^) But
we*U go and have a good lunch somewhere,

Olivia. I will tlnnk it over, George.

George {good-humouredly and coming down to hack of settee to her
B.). WeU, give me a kiss while you're thinking.

Olivia. I'm afraid you mustn't kiss me until we are actually
engaged.

George {laughing uneasily, and sitting and leaning over on table
L.C. touxirds Olivia). Oh, we needn't take it as seriously as all that.

Olivia. But a woman must take a proposal seriously.

George (a little alarmed at last). What do you mean t

Olivia. Well, what I mean is that the whole quebtioi^ — {unth
a sly look at George) — as I heard somebody say once, demands
much more anxious thought than either of us has given it. These
hasty marriages

George {rising and crossing at back of Olivia round settee and to
L. of Olivia). Hasty !

Olivia. Well, you've only just proposed to me, and you want
me to marry you to-morrow.

George. Now you're talking perfect nonsense, Olivia. Yon
know quite well that our case is utterly different from — ^wefl — ^from
any other.

Olivia. All the same, one must ask oneself questions. With
a young girl like — ^well, with a young girl — love may well seem to
be all that matters. But with a woman of my age it is difEerent.
I have to ask myself whether you can afEord to support a wife,

George. You know perfectly well that I can afEord to support
a wife as my wife should be supported.

Olivia. Oh, I am glad. Then your income — you are not really
worried about that at all ?

George {stiffly). You know perfectly well what my income b.
I see no reason for anxiety, in the future.

Olivia. Ah, very well, then we needn't think about it any more.

George. You know I can't make out what you're up to. {Sits
to her L, on settee.) Don't you want to get marri^ — ^to — er — legalLie
this extraordinary situation in which we are placed ?

Olivia. I must consider the whole question very carefully. I

AcTin.] MR PIM PASSES BY. 51

can't just jnmp at the very first ofier I have had since my husband
<2ied. {Rising and crossing to centre,)

Geobob. Ohy so I'm under consideration, eh!

Olivia {moving up b.c.). Every suitor is.

Georob. Oh, very weU, go on I Go on I

Olivia. Well then, there's your niece. You have a niece living
"^ith you. Of course Dinah is a delightful girl, but one doesn't
like marrying into a household where there's another grown-
up woman. But perhaps she will be getting married herself
^oon.

Oeorgb. I see no prospect of it.

Olivia. It would make it so much easier, George, if she

Gbobob {rising). Is this a threat, Olivia t {Crossing up to
^^livia.) Are you telling me that if I do not allow young Strange
"^jO marry Dinah, you will not marry me ?

Olivia. A threat t Oh, no, George. But I was just wondering
"Sf you love me as much as Brian loves Dinah. You do love me ?

Gbobob {from his heart). Of course I do, old girl.

Olivia. You're sure it's not just my pretty face that attracts
you. Love which is based upon mere outward appearances cannot
result in lasting happiness — as one of our thinkers has observed.
{Moving down to settee r.)

Gbobob. Why should you doubt my love t You can't pretend
that we haven't been happy together. (Olivia sits on settee b.)
I've — {t(Mng a chair from l. of table b.o. brings it down to l. of Olivia)
—I've been a good pal to you, eh ? We — we suit each other, old
girl.

Olivia. Do wet

Gbobob {sitting). Well, of course we do.

Olivia. I wonder. When two people of our age think of getting
married, one wants to be quite sure that there is real community
of ideas between them. Supposing that after we have been married
some years we found ourselves getting estranged from each other
upon such questions as Dinah's future, or the comparatively trivial
matter like the right colour for a curtain, or the advice to be given
to a friend who had innocently contracted a bigamous marriage.
Think how bitterly we should regret our hasty plunge into a matrir
mony which was no true partnership, whether of tastes or ideas or
eiven of consciences. {WUh a sigh.) Ah me 1

Gbobob {turning to her quickly). Unfortunately for your argu-
ment, Olivia, I can answer you out of youi own mouth. You
seem to have — {laughing) — ^forgotten what you said this morning
in the case of — er — ^young Strange.

I OLPnA{wiihexagger€Uedrepro<uA). Oh, but is it quite fair, George^
to drag up what was said this morning t

' QEOWS^ia {enjoying his apparent success). Hahal You've brought
it on yourself.

63 MR. Pm PASSES BT. [Act IIL^

Olivia. 1 1 . • • Well, and what did I say tliis morning !

Geobgb. You said that it was quite enough that Strange was a
gentleman and in love with Dinah for me to let them marry each
other.

Olivia. Oh I But is that enough, George I

Georob (triumphantly). Well, you said so.

Olivia (meekly). Well, George, if you think so too, I'm quite
willing to riEik it.

George (kindly, rising and jnUting back chair up B.O.). Ha ha, my
dear I Tou see !

Olivia. Then you do think it's enough t

Georob. I — er — ^yes, yes, I — ^I think so.

Olivia (rising and going to him and putting her hands on hi$
shoulders). My darling onel How jolly 1 Then we can have a
double weddii^.

George (astonished). A double one I

Olivia. Yes, you and me, Brian and Dinah.

George (fimdy, and taking her hands from his shoulders). Now
look here, Olivia, understand once and for all, I am not to be black-
mailed into giving my consent to Dinah's engagement. Neither
blackmailed nor tricked. (Crossing to l. below settee.) Our marriage
has nothing whatever to do with Dinah's.

Olivia. No, dear, I quite understand. They may take place
about the same time, but they have nothing whatever to do with
each other.

George (sits on foot of table l.o.). I see no prospect of Dinah's
marriage taking place for many years.

Olivia. No, dear, that was what I said.

George (not understanding for the moment). You said 1 I

see. (Turning and facing her.) Now look here, Olivia, let us have
this perfectly clear. You apparently insist on treating my — er —
proposal as serious.

Olivia (mock surprise). But isn't it I Have you been trifling
with me ?

George. You know perfectly well what I mean. You treat it
as an ordinary proposal for a man to a woman who have never
been anything to each other before. Very well then, .will you kindly
tell me what you propose to do if you decide to — ah — ^accept me t
You do not suggest that we should go on living together — ^unmarried ?

Olivia (shocked). Of course not, George ! ! What would — {jpausing
for additional explanation) — ^the Coimty — I mean Heaven — ^I mean
the Law — I mean — ot course not. Besides, it's so unnecessary. H
I decide to accept you, of course I shall marry you.

GeorGS. Quite so. And if you — ah — decide to refuse me, what

will you do ?
Olivia. Nothing.
George. Meaning by thatt
Olivia. Just that, George. I shall stay here— just as befor«»

Aov m.] MR PIM PASSES BY. 88

(Oeobgb rises and a'pfroachM her, about to expostulate,)

I like this honse. {Crossing hehw George, looking about the room
to below settee l.) It wants a little redecoratiiig, but I do like it,
€reorge. • • Tes, I shall be perfectly happy here I {Sits on
settee,)

Oeorgb. I see. You will continue to live down here — ^in spite
of what you said just now about the — ^the immorality of it. i

Olivia {surjtrised). But what is there immoral in a widow living
alone in a big country house — with perhaps the niece of a dear
friend of hers — staying with her to keep her company.

Geobge {sarcastic). Oh, and pray what shall I be doing when
you've so very kincQy taken possession of my house for me ?

OuviA. You 1 Oh, I can't think I Travelling, I expect.

George {indignant and advancing to her), l^nk you! And
suppose I refuse to be turned out of my own house ?

Olivia* Then, seeing that we can't both be in it, it looks as
though you'd have to turn me out. {To herself,) There must be
legal ways of doing these things. You'd have to consult your solicitor
again.

Georob. Legal wayst

Olivia. Well, you couldn't just throw me out, could you t
You'd have to get an injunction against me

I

(Georgb, very annoyed, turns away,) ' ^

^OT prosecute me for trespass — or something. Of course I shouldn't
go if I could help it, I like the house so much. ... It would make
an awfully unusual case, wouldn't it ? The papers would be full
of it.

Georgb. The papers t

Olivia {calling as paper boy). Extra special I 'V^dow of well-
known ex-convict takes possession of J.P.'s house 1 Special I
Special I

George {ar.grUy). I've had enough of this. {Coming to table
L.O. and speaking across,) Do you mean all this nonsense ?

Olivia. Well, what I do mean w, that I am in no hurry to go
up to London and get married. I love the country just now, and
— {unth a sigh) — after this morning, I'm — rather tired of husbands.

George {in a rage), I've never heard so much — damned (bangs
table) . . . nonsense in my life. I wiU leave you to come back to
your senses.

{He goes out, up staircase up r.)

(Olivia rises and crosses to centre, watching George off. She kisses
her hands to him, then turning to l. sees curtains and work-box and
extending her arms in ecstasy goes to cabinet, takes them up and
eomes down l. Olivia sits on settee with curtains in her lap
and places the ufork-box toherL. on settee, and as she does so Mb.

54 MR PIM PASSES BY. [Aov IIL

PiM enters from tip b. through windows and coming to B. of writing'
table taps it unth his umbrella to attract Olivia's attention. She turns
and sees him. He looks nervously round at staircase B. fearing the
return of George.)

Pm {in a whisper). Er — may I come in, Mrs. Mardent

Olivia (in surprise), Mr. Pirn 1

PiM {anxiously and again looking round at staircase). Mr. Marden
is-— er — not here ?

Olivia {getting up). No 1 Do you want to see him t I will

PiM {another look round at staircase and moving down centre).
No, no, no 1 Not for the world. There is no immediate danger of
his returning, Mrs. Marden ?

Olivia {surprised). No, I don't think so, Mr. Pinu {Puis down
curtains). But . . . what is it? You

PiM. I took the liberty of returning by the window in the hope
of fmding you alone.

Olivia {sitting again). Yes ?

PiM {stUl rather nervous and throwing up his arms in distress).
Mr. Marden will be so angry with me, and very rightly. Oh, I
blame myself. I blame myself entirely. I don't know how I
can have been so stupid. {Sits on stool l.o. very concerned).

Olivia. What is it, Mr. Pim 1 My first husband hasn't come to
life again, has he 1

Pim. No 1 No I No 1 {Looking round to b. and speaking very
mysteriously across table l.c.) The fact is — his name was Polwittle.

Olivia {at a loss). Whose ? My husband's ?

Pdi. Yes, yes. Henry Polwittle, poor fellow.

Olivia. But my Jiusband's name was Telworthy.

Pim. No ! Oh dear, no 1 Polwittle. {Firmly,) It came back
to me suddenly just as I reached the gate — Henry Polwittle, poor
fellow.

Olivia. But really, Mr. Pim, I ought to know.

Pim. No I No 1 Polwittle.

Olivia. But who is Polwittle t

Pim {in surprise at her stupidity). The man I told you about, who
met with the sad fatality at Marseilles. Henry Polwittle. . . . {With
hand on chin^ thinking deeply.) Or was it Ernest ? No 1 Henry
Polwittle, poor fellow.

Olivia {indignantly). But, Mr. Pim, you said his name was
Telworthy. How could you?

Pim. Oh, I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.

Olivia. But how could you think of a name like Telworthy if
h wasn't Telwoi-thy ?

Pim {eagerly). Ah, ah, that is the really interesting thing about
the whole matter.

Olivia {reproachfully). Yes, Mr. Pim, all your visits here to-daj
liAve been very interesting.

Act m.] MR PIM PASSES BT. 66

PiM. Oh, very interesting, very interesting. You see, Mrg,
Marden, when I made my first appearance here this morning I was
received by — ^Miss Diana, who

Olivia. Dinah 1

PiM. I beg youi pardon?

Olivia. Dinah. Her name is Dinah!

PiM (pauses). You*re quite right. Dinah— oh yes. Miss Dinah,
yes. She was in — er — ^rather a communicative mood, and I suppose
oy way of passing the time she mentioned that before your marriage—
to Mr. Marden you had been a Mrs. — er

Olivia. Telworthy.

Pm. Telworthy, yes, of course. She also mentioned Australia.
Now by some curious process of the brain — which strikes me as
decidedly curious — when I was trying to recollect — ^the name of
the poor fellow on the boat, whom you will remember I had also
met in Australia, the fact that this other name was also stored in
my memory, a name equally peculiar — this fact I say

Olivia (seeing that the sentence is rapidly going to pieces). Tee, I
quite understand.

PiM. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.

Olivia. Oh, you mustn't do that, Mr. Pim.

PiM. Oh, but, Mrs. Marden, can you forgive me for the needless
distress I have caused you to-day?

Olivia. Oh, you mustn't worry about that — please.

Pim. And you will tell youi husband — you'll break the news
to him?

Olivia (amazed). Oh, yes I I'll break the news to him.

Pm (rising and holding out his hand). WeU then, I think before
he comes back I will say good-bye and — er

Olivia (rising). Just a moment, Mr. Pim. Let us have it
quite clear this time. Tou never knew my husband Jacob
Telworthy ?

Pm. No!

Olivia. You never met him in Australia t

Pm. No!

Olivia. You never saw him on the boat?

Pm. No!

Olivia. And nothing whatever happened to him at Mat'
aeiUes ?

Pm. No !

Olivia. Is that right ?

Pim (hesitating and thinking it out very deeply). I think so.

Olivia. Very well, then, since his death was announced in
Australia six years ago, he is presumably still dead ?

Pm. Undoubtedly.

Olivia (holding out her hand with a charming smUe). Then
good-bye, Mr, Pun, and thank you to much for — ^for all your
trouble.

60 MR. PIM PASSES BT. [Aov IIL

Pm. Not at all, Mrs. Maiden. I blame myself, I blame myself
entirely.
Olivia. Oh 1 you mustn't do that.

{Oaing up centre Pm meets Dinah, who enters from the window up
If, crosses at back of writing-table and comes down b. of him.)

(Dinah is followed by Brian, who is on her ti.)

Dinah. Hullo, there's Mr. Pim. (To Brian.)

PiM {nervously looking at the door in case Mb. Mabdbn shouldoome
in). Yes, yes, I — er

Dinah. Oh, Mr. Pim, you mustn't run away without even saying
how-do-you-do I Are you staying to tea t

Pm {looking off at staircase nervously). I'm afraid I

OuviA. I^. Pim has to hurry away, Dinah. Tou mustn't keep
him.

Dinah. Well, but you'll come back again t

Pm. I fear that I am only a passer-by, Miss — er — ^Dinah.

Olivia. Tou can take Mr. Pim as far as the gate.

Pm {gratefuUy to Olivia). Thank you. {With nervous heU d
staircase b., he edges towards the windows.) If you would be so kind.
Miss Dinah

Dinah {taking his arm). Gome along then, Mr.
Bbian. I'll catch you up.

Dinah {taking him up l.). I want to hear all about your firsi
wife.
Pm. Oh, but I haven't got a &rst wife.
Dinah. Tou haven't really told me anything yek

{They go off up L.)

Brian. I'll catch you up.

(Olivia resumes her work, and Brian crosses down to foot of table L.O.,

and sits on it,)

Brian {awhvardly). I just wanted to say, if you don't think
it cheek, that I'm — I'm on your side, if I may be and if I can help
you at all, I shall be very proud of being allowed to.

Olivia {looking up at him and taking his hand). Brian, you dear,
that's sweet of you. But it's quite all right now, you know.

Brian. What ?

Olivia. Tes, that's what Mr. Pim came back to say. He'd
made a mistake about the name

Brian {rising). Good Lord I {Backing c.)

Olivia {smiling). George is the only husband I have.

Brian {surprised). What ? Tou mean that the whole thing that
Pim

Olivia {repeating). The whole thing.

Brian {crossing up to window B. and shouting off to "L. and with
conviction). Silly ass I

act IIL] WEL PIM PASSES BY. 57

OuviA {hndly). Oh, no, no, I'm sure he didn't mean to be.
{After a pati^e.) Brian, do you know anything about the law ?

Bbian (coming down o.). The law ? I'm afraid not. I hate the
law. Why ? {Sits at foot of table l.o.)

Olivia. Well, I was just wonderibog. Suppose that George and
I had accidentally married each other a second time thinking that
the first marriage wasn't quite right, and then we found the first
marriage was all right — well

Brian. What on earth do you mean !

Olivia. Well, what I mean is that there's nothing wrong in
marrying the same person twice ?

Brian {rising and moving to centre, thinking it out). Oh, no. A
hundred tunes if you like, I should think.

Olivia. Oh I

Brian. After all, in France they always go through U twice,
don't they ! Once before the Mayor or somebody, and once in
diurch.

Olivia. Of course they do I How silly of me. Tou know,
that's a very good idea, lliey ought to do that more in England.

Brian. Well, once will be enough for Dinah and me, if you
ean work it. {Anxiously.) D'you think there's any chance,
OUvia!

Olivia {smiling). Every ohaiice, dear.

Brian {coming to above table l.o.). I say, do you really t Have
you squared him ! I mean has he

(Oeorob is heard humming the tune of " Pop goes the weasel " off r.)

Olivia. Tou go and catch them up now. We'll talk about it
later on.
Brian. Bless you. Right-o I

(Ooing up l. and off up L.)

{As h€ goes out by the windows^ George comes im ai ifie doors r.
Georqb stands r.c, and then turns to Olivia, who u* absorbed in her
curtain. He walks up and down the room, ftdgeiin-g with things^
waiting for her to speak. As she says nothing^ he begins to talk
himself, but in an obviously unconcerned way. There is a pause
after each answer of hers, before he gets out his next remark,)

Oeorob (casually). Good-looking fellow. Strange. What!

Olivia {equally casually). Brian, yes, isn't he 1 And such a nice
boy.

George. Tes, yes I {Catching sight of curtain she is sewing.
Bums the tune of " Pop goes the u>easd " — crossing down r. to pianop
plays a few notes of " Pop goes the weasel " with one finger,) Got
fifty pounds for a picture the other day, didn't he ! {Moving up
staqe a littie,)

Olivia. Ah, yes 1 Of course he has only just begu n

MR. FIM PASSES BY. [Act IIL

Oeobob. The critics think well of him. (Slight pauie.) Whatt

{Up 0. by chair front of wrUing-table.)

Olivia. They all say he has genius. Oh, I don't think there's
any doubt about it. (Pause,)

(George l^ of vfrUing-table,)

George. No, no I (Slight pause, and he sings again,) Of oonrae
I don't profess to know anything about painting, myself.

Olivia. Tou've never had time to take it up, dear.

George (coming down l. a liUle,) No ! No I Of course I know
what I like. Can't say I see much in this new-fangled stuff. If
a man can paint, why can't he paint like — ^like Rubens, or — or
Eleynolds, or

Olivia. I suppose we all have our own styles. Brian will be
finding his, directly. Of course, he's only just beginning. (Pause,)

George (crossing up centre). Yes, yes. But &e critics think a
lot of him, what!

Olivia. Oh, yes.

George. Yes I H'ml (Pause.) Good-looking fellow.

(There is rather a longer silence this time, George earning rowni
hack of settee l. continues to hope that he is appearing casual and
unconcerned — he stands looking at Olivia's work for a moment.)

George (down l.). Nearly finished 'em !

Olivia. Very nearly. (Smiling to herself^ turns away to B.,
pretending to look for scissors,) Have you seen my sdssors any-
where ?

George (looking round). Scissors !

Olivia (turns to l. and finds them in her work-box). It's all right,
here they are

George (dovm l. below chair facing Olivia). Where are you
thinking of hanging 'em ?

Olivia (as if really wondering), I don't quite know. • • • I
had thought of this room, but — I'm not quite sure.

George (crossing below Olivia to centre). Ah t Yes I Brighten
the room up a bit.

Olivia. Yes.

Qeobjqe (walking up centre a lUtletowards windows). H'm, ye s
They are a bit faded.

Olivia (shaking out hers, and looking at them critically). You
know, sometimes I think I love them, and sometimes I'm not quite

sure.

George. Best way is to hang 'em up and see how you like 'em.
Always take 'em down again.

Olivia. Oh, that's a good idea, George.

George. Best way.

AgtIIL] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 59

Olivia. Yes. ... I think we might try that — {loohing round

oi settee and carpets, ate.)— the only thing is {She Ae«f-

tfites.)

Geobqb. What t

Olivia. Well, the carpets and the chair-oovers and the oushions
•nd things

Georqe. Well, what about 'em !

Olivia. Well, if we had new curtains— ^-

Georgb. You'd want a new carpet, eh?

Olivia (doubtfully). Well, new chair-covers^ anyhon^.

George. H'm I . . . Well, why not ?

Olivia. Oh, but

George (%oith an awkward laugh). We're not so hard up as all
"^iJiat, you know.

Olivia (quicldy). No, I don't suppose we are reall y —

George. No, no, no, yes — ^I mean no.

Olivia (thoughtfully). I suppose it would mean that I should
liave to go up to London to choose them. You know, that's rather
« nuisance.

George (extremely casual and moving towards Olivia). Oh, I don't
know. We might go up together one day.

Olivia. Wdl, of course if we were up — for anjrthing else

George (moving away dubiously). Yes, yes! That's what f
meant.

{^ieire u amoihef silence. George is wondering whether to come to

closer quarters with the great question.)

Olivia. Oh, by the way, George

George. Yes 1

Olivia (innocently). I told Brian, and of course he'll tell Dinah,
that Mr. Pim had made a mistake about the name.

George (astonished, moving towards Olivia). Mistake about the
name!

Olivia. Yes — I told Brian that the whole thing was a mistake,
I thought that was the simplest way.

George. Olivia — (crossing below and to her l.) — then you mean
that Brian and Dinah think that — that we have been married sM
the time!

Olivia. Yes.

George (coming closer to her). Olivia, does that mean that you
are thinking of marrying me ?

Olivia. At your old registry o£G[cel

George (eagerly). Yes I

Olivia. To-morrow ?

George. Yes.

Olivia. Do you want me to very muchf

George. My darling, you know I do.

Olivia. We should have to keep it very quiet, Georgtt.

«0 MR PIM PASSES BY. [Act IH.

Oeorob. Well, of course — {sitting to her l.) — nobody need know.
We don't want anybody to know. And now that you've put Brian
and Dinah ofE the scent by telling them that — {he breaks off and says
admiringly) — that was very clever of you, Olivia. I should never
have thought of that.

Olivia {inn^ocently). George — yoa don't think it was torong^ do
you ?

Georqb {his verdict, taking her hands end jnUting them). An
innocent deception . . . perfectly harmless.

Olivia. Yes, dear, that was what I thought about — ^about^*
{hughing to herself) what I was doing.

Geobgb. Then you will come up to London to-morrow t

{She nods,)

And if we should see a carpet or anything else we want

Olivia. Oh, George I

Geobqe {beaming, rising and backing atoay to L. a litUe). And
lunch at the Carlton, what ?

Olivia {nodding eagerly). Oh!

Geobge. And — and a bit of a honeymoon in Paris !

Olivia. Oh, what fun !

Geoboe {hungrily). Give me a kiss, old girL

Olivia {lovingly). (Jeorgel

{She holds up her cheek to him. He kisses it, and then suddenly takes

her in his arms.)

Geobob. Don't ever leave me, old girl.
Olivia {affectionately). Don't ever send me away, old boy.
Geoboe (fervently). I won't. {Awhoardly.) I — ^I don't think
I should have really, you know. I — ^I

(Dinah enters from up l. and crosses at back of writing-table and

round down b. Bbian follows her.)

Dinah {seeing the embrace, surprised), Oo — ^I say 1

(Geobqe looks and feels rather a foci,)

Obobqb. HaUo I

(Olivu sits, resumes sewing^

Dinah {coming down centre and going below settee L., im/peiuously
to him). Give me one, too, George. Brian won't mind.
Geobqe {formally, but enjoying it). Do you mind, Mr. Strange!

Bbian (a Utile uncomfortable). Oh, I say, sir

Geobqe. We'll risk it, Dinah. {He kisses her.)
Dinah {triumphantly to Bbian and standing above Geoboe). Did
you notice that one ? That wasn't just an ordinary afEectionatt

Act ni.] MR. PIM PASSES BY. 61

kiss. That was a special "bless you my children'' one. (To
George.) Wasn't it?

Olivia. You do talk nonsense, darling.

Dinah (crossing quickly below and to R. of Brian). Well, I'm so
happy now that Pun has relented about your first husband

(George catches Olivia's eye and smiles ; she smiles back ; hul they

are different smiles.)

George {the actor). Yes, yes, stupid fellow, Pim, what t

Brian. Yes. Absolute idiot, I think !

Dinah. And now that George has relented about — (toith a
significant look at Brian)— wy first husban d

George. Here, you get on much too quickly. {Crossing below
Olivia to Brian.) So you want to marry my Dinah, eh ?

Brian {iinth a smile). Well, I do rather, sir.

George {to Brian). Well, you'd better have a talk with me about
it — er — {with a sly look at Olivia) — Brian.

Brian. Thank you very much, sir.

(George goes up and Brian, imitating his walk, aceorwpanies him.)

George. Well, come along then. (Brian looks at his wa^.) I
am going up to town after tea, so we'd bette r

Dinah (moving up to b. of Brian). I say, are you going to
London ?

George (with a sly look at Olivia). Yes, a little business.

Dinah {cheekily). Eh?

George. Never you mind, young woman. (To Brian.) Come
along, we'll stroll down and look at the pigs.

Brian. Eight-o I

(They are going off to l. when Olivia caUs.)

Olivia. George, don't go too far away; I may want you.
George. All right I I'll be out on the terrace. Give me a shout
if you want me.

(George and Brian go off at windows up l.)
(Dinah follows up b. and watches them off.)

Dinah (toatching them off). Brian and George always discuss me
in front of the pigs. So tactless of them. I say, are you going
to London, too, darling? {Coming down to table l.c.)

Olivia. To-morrow {Rising and shaking out curtains.)

Dinah. What are you going to do in London ?

OuviA. Oh, shopping and — one or two little things.

Dinah. With Greorge ?

Olivia. Yes. (Crossing up centre bdow Dinah with curtains.)

MR. PIM PASSES BY. [Aca IIL

Dinah {tiU on tahle L.O.). I say, wasn't it lovely about Pimt

Olivia. Lovely ?

Dinah. Yes, he told me all about it. Making such a hash of
things, I mean.

Olivia (innocently). Did he make a hash of things !

Dinah. Well, I mean keeping on coming like that. And if you
look at it all round — well, for aJl he had to say, he needn't have
come at all.

Olivia. Well, I don't think I should put it quite like that, Dinah.

Dinah {referring to curtains), I say, aren't they jolly ?

Olivia. I'm so glad everybody likes them. TeU George I'm
ready, dear.

Dinah. I say, is he going to put them up for you !

Olivia. Well, I thought perhaps he could reach better.

Dinah. All right, I'll tell him. (Crossing up l. on to terrace
and calling off.) George ! (Returning to hack l. end of ivriting-4able.)
Brian is just telling George about the five shillings he has in the Post
Office — (crossing up L. onto terrace again and calling off,) Greorge 1 1

Oeoroe (from off l.). Coming I

Dinah (playfuUy coming down centre^ imitating a fairy^s footsteps).
Slow music wlule the curtains go up. (Sits at piano and plays *' A$
I passed by your Window,'')

(Oeorob enJters from up L., followed hy Brian.)

Geobgb (to Olivia). What is it, darling!
Olivu. I wish you'd help me to put up these curtains t
GEOBas. Of course, dear. I'd better get the library steps.
{Crosses to doors b. and exits,)

(Bbian goes quickly to Olivia av^ gratefully hisses her hand^ then
comes down to Dinah and hows to her,)

Bbian. Madam I I have the honour to inform you that hence-
forward you are at liberty to regard me as your affianced husband.

Dinah (rising quickly and advancing). Darling!

Bbian (waving her hack). No ! No t Stay there 1 (She retreats
and sits at piano,) Go on playing.

(Dinah goes on playing and he takes otU a sketch-book, sits on settee

and sketches her,)

Dinah. What is it!

(Olivia comes down centre, watching them,)

Bbian. Portrait of Lady Strange.

(Geoboe enters from doors b. with steps and crossing up b. places

them near b. urindow.)

Olivia (cn^ hands him the curtains and goes up l. of writing-
jtMe and round back, watching Geoboe). Are you read dear !

Am m.] MR FDf PASSES BT. 63

Georob {mounting the steps). Tea, quite ready.

Olivia. There 1 {The curtains become entangled and he nearly
faUs.) Oh, take care, dear I

George (again mouvding steps). Oh, that's all right, dear. They're
a little long. {The curtains become entangled round his head.'i

(Mb. Pm enters mysteriously from up l.)

(Olivia is looking up at George.)

(Pm touches Tier on the shoulder and unth a start she turns to him.
Dinah seeing him enter stops playing. Olivia, ununUing to cUtraot
George's attention, signals to Dinah to continue playing, and she
does so,)

PiM. Mrs. Marden I I had to oome back — ^I've just remembered
his name was Ernest Folwittle — fujt Henry I (Going off up L.)
Hot Henry I

PiNAH plays forte.)

QxrtcK CoKTAnb

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64

SCENE PLOT

Mk paniXUd chamber, with deep deooratiye frleaee.

Ceiling doth, painted \7ith oarved oak beams.

Firejiiace. — ^Liurge open stone fireplace decorated all orer wltli flutliigB and

carved stone.
Doors, — Heavy oak doors down B. to open off.

Windowa, — C. windows (French windows) opening on stage from terrace.
Stairs, — Stairs up back s. with carved balustrade. Transpaient windows

stained glass at top of stairway.
Back doth, — Painted garden and terrace with stone seat 0»

PROPERTY PLOT
ACT I

Stage doth down, — ^Parqnette stage cloth with marble paTement piece attached

at back for terrace.
Persian carpet laid up and down B.
Persutn carpet laid up and down L.

Settee set across down L. (Jacobean aettee upholstered in tapestryyt
On settee l.

Two tapestry cushions.
Occasional Jacobean table to n. of settee down L.
Stool. — ^Upholstered in rose b. of table.

SemugraiM piano, with keyboard down stage^ down B. below doable doors.
On piano, — ^Dinah*s musical instrument.

8ilk pink brocade piano cover.

Photo of Olivia in frame.

Photo of George Marden in franM*

Photo of Dinah in frame.

Photo of Brian in frame.

E.P. mirror.

Blue china bowl containing flowers.

QuantiW of music.
Occasional Jacobean ehair. — ^Below piano.
Settee (small Queen Anne cane-backed) upholstered In tax>estry set iq^ and

down stage against and to L. of piano.
Cushion— daik gold brocade— on settee.
Table (occasions^ Jacobean) above settee to L. of piano.
On table, — ^Illustrated papers.

Bose-coloured piece of brocade,
datr (occasional «facobean with rose-coloured squab) u €f occasioDal table

above settee.
Sideboard (Jacobean) up B. against back walL
On sideboard, — ^Metal bold (with flowec8)i

Match stand.

Matches (safety).

Ash tray.

Tobacco jar filled.

George's pipe filled.

Photo in frame.

Cigarette box (with cigarettes).

Vase lamp with shade.

66 MR. FIM PASSES BY.

Arm-<ihair (Jacobean with roae-ooloared aqnab). — i*. of sideboard facing onl

of windowi.
Owrtaina, — Pair of rose-ooloored corduroy onrtains with tie backs for cenHre
windatM,
Single rose-colonred cordnroj enrtain for aiohway up s. hnng on op
stage side of arch.
Stairs. — Painted canvas stairdoth.

Brass ataii rods.
Oeeaaional ehair (Jacobean with rose-colonred sqnab). — L. of windows and

against back wall.
Tiible (occasional Jacobean).->-Up L. against back wall.

On table. — ^Metal bowl containing pink azalea plant in pot.
Writing-table. — ^In front and below o. windows (leather topped).
On writ%ng-Ud)le. — Specimen glass with flowers.
Writing materials.
Matches in stand.
Ash tray.

Paper and pen rack.
Small bookcase.
Afm-chait (Jacobean) below writing-table C

Large cabinet (Jacobean Court cupboard) with three enpboard doors and OB
short legs — up L. agednst L. wall above fireplace.
In cupboard. — ^Very pronounced yeUow and 62adb curtainc with webbiqg

arranged for Olivia to stitch on rings.
Work-box for Olivia contaimng needles, thread, quantity of ringe, scissomk
On top of cupboard. — ^Metal bowl with palm in pot.
Pair of scissors (extra as an emergency for Brian's bnainesiyi
Large glass with flowers.
Waste-paper basket. — To L. of writing-table.
Fireplace (l.). — Brass dogs and antique fire tongs.

Combined brass switch and beU pushes on wall down L. below fireplaoeu
Brass spill-box above bell pushes on wall L. below fireplace.
T<U)le (small Jacobean round cane topped) in angle of fireplace and wall down
L. below fireplace.
On table. — Match stand and matches (safety).
Ash tray.
Arm-chair (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab) down L. and to B. of cironlar

table L. facing up stage.
Pictures on waUs. — Picture in gold frame on wall down n.
Picture in gold frame on wall above double doors a
Picture in gold frame B. of B. wall at back.
Picture in gold frame L. of B. wall at back.
Picture in gold frame B. of l. back walL
Picture in gold frame l. of l. back walL

HaKD PBOPBBTIBa,

Off B. — Card salver and card for Anne.

Letter in envelope unstamped on salver.

Letter in envelope stamped for Mr, Pirn.

liCtter in envelope not stamped for George Marden,

Gentleman's visiting card (Mr. Carraway Pim) for GKedtyt Mordm^

Aorn

Same Scene and Proptrtim.

DinaVs small guitar on piano,
flnton f^ light green canvas camp ciialrs.

'2 green and white striped camp chairs.

k

* (Folding camp table with green baize top^
Curtains ref oldra and placed in cupboard Left.

OB

MR. PIM PASSES BY. 07

YLksn PROPXBTnML

itms^ dcmble handled £.P. tray.

J5 coffee cups (coloured for coffee) and sauoen.

I 6 coffee spoons.

VSugar basin with sugar.
Small hunting crop for Lady Madden,
Thick leather gloves for Lady Marden.
CSgarette case for Brian.

Acrm

Same 8ti and Furniture oi AoT TL
t>$ s.— Pair of short library steps (for Oeorge Mardtn)*

ELECTRIC PLOT

Okandelier (o.).— Jacobean bronze 6-light chandelier hanging centre HOT

lighted.
Bmek^ on walls.

One on vxiU doum l.

One each side of back wall between windows and stairoaie a.

One each side of back wall between windows and wall L.

All above pictures, not lighted.
Fire in fireplace, not lighted.
Lenffths. — Length in stairway, amber and white.

Length in entrance by double door down a*
Feote. — ^Amber and white.
Battens. — Ceiling batten, amber and white.

No. 6 batten, amber and white.
Are$.^2 perch arcs o.p. ) j^^ ^ ^ ^^

2 perch arcs p.s. f *^*e"" «^»'^ -"** **«»•.

No. 1 o.p. flood stage down ImC

No. 2 o.p. on settee down s.

No. 1 p.s. on riettee L.

No. 2 p.s. on stool and flood o.
Fhod Aree. — Two flood arcs on back cloth L. and B.

Flood arc on transparency windows above stairs s.

Focus arc through windows o., L. of windows of wriiing-table and dooo
down B. into room. Sunlight effect.
IW eym All lighte foil up and xwnain for Aote I, XI and III.

n

H

2
r-

Cn [2

T)

Golden Days

A comedy of youth. In 4 acts, by Sidney Toler and Bfarlon
Short. 7 males, 10 females. 3 Interiors. Costumes modem.
Plays 2% hourH.

"Ctolden Days" is a play with all the charm of yonth. It
enjoyed a mn of sixteen weeks In Chicajro, then came to New
York, with Helen Hayes as "Mary Anne". Royalty, 926.00. Prloe»
76 cents.

The Intimate Strangers

A deliffhtfnl comedy In 8 acts, by Booth TarUnirton. 4
males, 4 females. 2 Interiors. Costnmes, modem. Plays 2^
hours.

Begrinnlnff with the girl of yesterday and a lawyer of uncer-
tain affe, stranded In a railway station, half starved and uncer-
tain of the future, because a hurricane wrecked railway
hopes on both the main and branch line, it carries the audi-
ence to the home of the ffiri, where, with delicious comedy,
the blase lawyer is tortured Into submission, after he has dared
doubt the agre of the rlri whose hand he kissed the niffht before.

Havinff expressed a sharp opinion of "brasen younir hussies
In breeches," he is subjected to the sieffe of a younir woman
"In breeches", who lonffs for an adTcnture with an elderly man.

The lines are delicious and the situations amusing. Boyalty»
926.00. Price, 76 cents.

BiUeted

Comedy In 8 acts, by F. Tennlson Jesse and H. Harwood. 4
males, 6 females. 1 easy Interior. A charminir comedy, con-
structed with uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines.
Mariraret Anglin's biff success. Amateurs will find this comedy
easy to produce and popular with all audiences. Boyal^, 926.00.
Price, 60 cents.

Just Siqipose

A whimsical comedy In 8 acts, by A. B. Thomas, author of
"Come Out of the Kitchen", etc. 6 males, 2 females. 1 Interior*
1 exterior. Costumes, modem. Plays 2% hours.

It was rumored that during his visit to this country the
Prince of Wales got away from the pomp of his position and
appeared for a time under an assumed name. It is on this that
A. B. Thomas based "Just Suppose". The action takes place
in Fairview, Ta., where Linda Ihmb Stafford meets George Shipley,
(in reality the Prince). It is love at first sight, but, alas,
princes cannot select their mates and thereby hangs a tale
which Mr. Thomas has woven with infinite charm, llie atmos-
phere of the south dominates the story, touching In its senti-
ment and lightened with delightful comedy.

Scored a big hit In New York. Boyalty, 926.00. Price, 76
cents.

SAMUBIi FRENCH, 25 West 46th Street, New York City
New and Bxplicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed

Free on Request

The Famous Mrs. Fair

A play In 4 acts. By James Forbes, author of "The Ooiii*
mnters", "The Travelinflr Salesman", etc. 8 males, 10 femalea,
ii Interiors. Costumes modem. Plays 2^ hoars.

Mrs. Fair was a major abroad and won a medal for braTory*
Her husband was displeased when Mrs. Fair came home to a
fame which lifted her out of his life. The dissatisfaction grew
as she became absorbed In public functions. Mr. Forbes traoes
the wldenlnHT of the rift between husband and wife with great
skill In the first two acts. These are llipht comedy. In the thlid
the mood becomes serious and we find that Mrs. Fair's absence
from home has set the husband to philandering and the daajrh-
ter to Intimacy with a sray set. Indeed, only through the Joint
efforts of husband and wife to saTC the girl from danver* to
harmony again established.

A true comedy, written with keen Inslffht. Royalty, 985.O0.
Price, 76 cents.

Nothing But the Truth

Comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 6 males, 6 fe-
males. Costumes, modem. 2 Interiors. Flays 2"^ hours.

Is It possible to tell the absolute truth — even for twenty-
four hours? It Is — at least Bob Bennett, hero of "Nothing But
the Truth", accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his
business partners, and the trouble he got Into Is the subject of
William Collier's tremendous comedy hit. "Nothing But the
Truth" can be whole-heartedly recommended as one of the
most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies. Royalty, ^5.00.
Price, 60 cents.

On the Hiring Line

Comedy in 3 acts, by Harvey O'Higgins and Harriet Ford.
6 males, 4 females. 1 Interior. Costumes, modem. Plays 2^
hours.

Sherman Fessenden, unable to induce servants to remain at
his Jersey home, hits upon the expedient of engaging detectives
as domestics.

His second wife, an actress, weary of the country, has suc-
ceeded in discouraging every other cook and butler against
remaining long, believing that she will convince her husband
that country life is dead. So she is deeply disappointed when
she finds she cannot dlNcourage the new servants.

Tlie sleuths, believing they are called to report on those living
with the FoNsendens, warn Fessenden tliat his wife has been
receiving h>ve-notes from an actor friend, and that his daughter
is planning to elope with a supposed thief.

One sleuth causes an uproar making a mess of the situations
he has wttnesKcd. Fessenden, however, has learned a lesson
and Ih w^illing to leave the servant problem to his wife.

Fnjoyed long runs in New York and Chicago. Royalty, $26.00.
Price, 75 cents.

SAMl'ET. FRENCH. 25 West 45th Street, New York City
New and Fxplicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed

Free on Request

Daddy LonflhLeos

Three Live Ghosts

FRENCH'S

smdard Vbrmry Cdttlaa

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Fr«i.ch'< (oUfKatlon.l Ci

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SmJ * faur-v.dl *ls4iip f-T our new ettoloffiM |

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...ni. „( pl.,1

SAMUEL

FRENCH

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IS Wmi <ft(k 5tr«>t

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